Sunny Sihanoukville

The east coast of Thailand had been a bit of let down in terms of sun so when we woke up to glorious sunshine the morning after we arrived in Sihanoukville, Brooke, Snowy and I cheered with joy. Sun at last and lots of it. Plus the view from our hut over looking the bay at Coasters was amazing.

We ended up staying a week sunning ourselves on the gorgeous Serendipity Beach. Perfect for people watching, the beach was stunning, lots of beach bars which came to life in the evening. I ended up the proud owner of a number of book marks and bracelets. I know, I'm a sucker but it's way to hard to resist the children selling there bits and bobs. I also brought a couple of paintings too. Bit suspect that one of the children, Hong, who was particularly cheeky and cute actually drew the painting - he was pretty street wise, even at the grand old age of 11 - it wouldn't surprise me if he got the other kids to paint the pics and he sold them!! It all helps though and really what's a few dollars at the end of the day!

Few highlights from Sihanoukville aside from the gorgeous beach was meeting some brilliant people. Not a day would pass without 'Fruit salad' (the only gay on the beach) who would mince up to us and come out with some hilarious comments. In order to get us buy his fruit he would often threaten to 'kill' Snowy who he had a massive crush on - much to mine and Brooke's amusement. He would look horrified when we suggested he fancied Snowy but would always make a bee line for him. Fruit Salad ruled the beach, had the most amazing long nails I'd ever seen and also was great at painting nails!! My feet never looked so good!

Vindy, the moto driver, was lovely. Showed Snowey and I around Sihanoukville. Saw some amazing, jaw dropping sights..poverty was like I've never seen before. Not sure I'll ever eat Chicken again having witnessed a truck lined from top to bottom with dead chickens all hanging upside down. Anyway Vindy was the perfect guide, sorted us out with everything we needed and put us in touch will Mr Banana in Phenom Penh.

The food in Cambodia is pretty good. Not same in terms of variety that you get in Thailand but then I'm not in Thailand so it would be different I suppose!! Anyway, back to the food. Cannabis is a common ingredient used in Khmer dishes, just a touch, nothing too heavy going. Anyway, seeing as I no longer smoke (anything) I decided to induldge in a 'happy' shake - when in Rome and all that. My urge to sample a local delacacie lead me to meet Jo at South Afrian restaurant owner. I happened to stumble across his restaurant - Seven Club - which I later renamed S Club Seven - as it advertised Happy shakes.

After I'd literally downed 2 shakes Jo came over to check I was okay. Of course I was okay, I'd just consumed a few happy shakes. Life was great. Whether I could actually stand was another matter. So I got chatting to Jo. I talked at Jo for quite some time. In fact I'll put money on it that poor Jo had no idea what he was letting himself into when he wondered up to me on the premise of making sure I was okay.

3 hours later I was still going strong. Why was he living here? What had inspired him to buy a restaurant? What was South Africa like? Was he married (naturally he thought this was a come on -just to put this into perspective Jo was my dad's age so not on my radar whatsoever!). Given my experience with an ex who was also South African I naturally showed little mercy on the questions front. I also had to remind myself often that I wasn't talking to my ex who I really don't have fond memories of and change my tone accordingly.

Jo was the perfect gentleman though. I think the fact I'd sunk so many shakes worked in my favor. He probably just thought my ramblings and fairly personal quesitons were a result of the shakes. He was right to a certain extent but no matter what state I get myself into I usually find my ability to ask and/or make inappropriate comments (which I get from my mother!) usually comes to light soon enough.

It was in this state that I met Lou, an Aussie who was drinking with some Chinese guys - she invited me over to join them on the premise that it was better than sitting on my own. After a few shakes I tended to differ so I invited her to have one. That night I knocked back the 'opportunity' to be escorted back to my room by Jo and continude to drink shakes with Lou until the early hours!

Other highlights of Sihanoukville include watching the sun set at the Frog Shack (word of warning, never eat there just drink), eating fresh squid bbq-ed right in front of you for lunch on the beach (you get 6 for 1 $!), watching an entire Cambodian family all dance to Kylie Minogue at the Moon Shack and watching Lou nearly going up in flames when a fire boy's flamming stick flew onto her lap...obviously a highlight for the wrong reasons!!

Everyday worries - advice from a Monk

It's perfectly normal to dare to dream of a worry free life. I know I originally thought that if I went traveling I wouldn't have any worries. Of course I was wrong. I've transferred my disdain for my job towards my rucksack. I now worry more about where I'm heading, what I'm going to do in the future, the fact I'm 34 and haven't 'settled' down even though I've yet to meet a guy I'd like to settle down with. I also worry about the fact that I'm not worried enough about the settling down thing so do you know what? I worry about that too!!

We all have our worries. Someone once said to me if another person gave me their worries I'd soon want my own back. It's true. I only have to listen to people on the street to appreciate my own worries!!

Worrying has been a constant topic of conversation with many of my close friends. We talk about what concerns us, the fact we always worry about it. Then we give each other the same advice. My friend's husband always laughs at the fact we give each other the same advice each time then the following week later we're talking about the same problems again - worrying that is - like it's new topic of conversation!!

Worrying has been worrying me (sorry, couldn't resist!) for quite sometime so when I attended a monk chat session at Wat Suan Dok in Chiang Mai I had to ask the monk I was speaking to about worrying. He was only too happy to offer his perspective and he talked to me in great detail about our worries and how to over come them.

It's simple (isn't it always in theory!). Basically you have to accept that life is about worrying. It's about suffering. That's life. Live with it. Once you accept the fact that worries are part of the deal (and sadly no, you don't get your money back on this part) you'll be in a much better position to deal logically with situations as and when they occur.

I told the monk about how I lay awake at night (as so many of us do) worrying about things that haven't even happened. He smiled at me and said the main problem humans face is that were constantly worrying about the future - we're never present. So basically we're constantly chasing our tales. You know what it's like. I know I do it all the time. I call them the 'if only' thoughts. If only I earnt more I'd have no more worries, if only I was to get that promotion, stop working with that person, buy the new Mui Mui sandals...the list is endless. Of course by the time you achieve your goals be it a new house, sofa, car - whatever, you're already on to the next one. So essentially we're never content with what we have. Therefore we're constantly dissatisfied.

Naturally we should have our goals. We all need something to strive towards but at the same time we shouldn't overlook or discard what we have today. Fair enough but it's hard to maintain that when you're up to your earrings at work, the credit card bill has just come threw the door a pair of Manolo's yell at you every time you walk past the shop window or flick through a copy of Vogue! When I said this to the monk he smiled again - he looked slightly puzzled when I mentioned the Manolo's though! To this he basically commented that we need to be 'mindful'. I later learnt at the meditation retreat that meditating was the key to being 'mindful'. It enables you to focus your mind. Keeps out the clutter. And it's really relaxing.

So should everyone practice meditation - in a word yes. That's not always possible or appealing to everyone. I suppose the best thing is to try and keep things in perspective. Focus on today, tomorrow will sort itself out. And it always does. Things have a habit of working out for the best. Whether we realise it immediately or 6 months down the line. We know that and we still worry. That's life. Worrying is life.

The monk told me to stop worrying about worrying. Focus on the here and now. Meditate and stay 'mindful'. Don't lose sight of what you want but equally don't let it rule your thoughts. Appreciate what you have around you. He also said that we have to accept the reality. Stop kidding ourselves. So if someone wrongs you no matter what it is i.e. infidelity, dishonesty...the list is endless. Talk to them about it. Try to understand from them why they did it. It maybe you decide their reasons don't suit you. That's the reality. Then you have to face up to that and decide how you want to deal with it.

Simple really!

Ego's, egos every where...

Travelling is fantastic and I'm having such an amazing time. Obviously I don't expect to have great experiences all of the time, that would be unrealistic. The same goes for the people you meet and observe. Naturally I don't expect that every person I meet, or in my case observe, (okay call it eaves dropping if you will!) will be on my wave length either. That said some of the situations I witness still shock me. Some worse than others. I had an experience like this while I was sunning myself on Serendipity Beach in Sihnoukville.

The beach is stunning. Sea very still and there's a slight breeze which makes it ideal tanning weather. Ching, ching. It's rainy season so the beach isn't packed so there's not much noise either. You get quite a bit of hassle but that's fair enough. People need to earn a living. A simple 'no thank-you' three or four times usually is enough for the children selling bracelets to move on. Some sit down and want to chat. Fine. I like to talk. I can talk all day.

I was lying on my beach lounger, taking in the scenery, giving myself a bit of a pat on the back for deciding to come to Sihnoukville when I over heard the conversation two women were having with a couple of the little girls selling bracelet's. I would assume they would describe themselves as 'educated' they would be wrong if they did!

I had to really stop myself from saying something - in fact I used my newly acquired zoning out skills as per the meditation I was taught my Pooltai in Chiang Mai to avoid passing a comment. The children are obviously eager to sell their pieces to them. Shockingly one woman was telling the gilds that she wouldn't buy anything from them as they couldn't remember her name. Can you believe it? These poor children are trying to make a living, for all we know going home and getting a bollocking for not earning enough, speaking to hundreds of people a day trying to sell their bracelets only to have some stupid female tell them they've missed out on tonight's dinner because they can't remember her name! How egotistical is that! Pretty shocking in my opinion.

Her and her mate were lying there like queens basically patronising these poor children. For example: 'tell me what you learnt at school today' FYI these children work during the day then go to school for 2 hours in the evening 'you must be able to remember' bearing in mind they aren't speaking to them in their native language. 'tomorrow I'll buy something from you but only if you tell me what you've learnt at school today, what's the point in learning if you can't remember'....grrrrgh. Vile. Ego's out of control. Hard to imagine really. Sadly I'm not exaggerating this time.

Arriving in Cambodia

I've only been in Cambodia for a few days and I can boldly say that I LOVE IT!! Don't know what it is but you definitely get a feeling about a place as soon as you arrive. Maybe it's a bit early to judge but it's in my nature so why try to change it?!!

Crossing the boarder was an experience in itself. After we crossed the boarder itself We sat down with a load of locals while we waited for our bus. Great opportunity to people watch. Guys coming and going on their bikes, women making food on the road side and feeding their children. The children are absolutely gorgeous too. And so many of them. Turns out over 40% of the Cambodian population consists of children. The country is obviously still recoving from being ravished by Khmer Rouge under Pol Pot's leadership but it's definitely on the road to recovery. You only have to look around to see how the infrastructure is improving. Roads are being built everywhere you look but that said it's still got a long way to go.

The journey from Cham Yearn to Sihnoukville was amazing. Jaw dropping in fact. Stunning scenery. The poverty is one of the worst I've ever seen. Some people probably would feel guilty. I actually think it's quite selfish to feel 'guilty' when faced with poverty ie. poor me, I feel awful. Hmmm, why do you feel awful? You're not the one living like this. Fingers crossed you won't be you in your next life either! People react differently though especially when they are faced with poverty for the first time.

It took us 5 hours by mini bus to get to Sihnoukville. We crossed five rivers, not by bridge I hasten to add as they were being built, but by boat. Well not really a boat. More like a barge. A rickety barge at that, powered by two speed boat engines either side of the wooden barge. And it was muddy. I had visions of the mini bus sliding off the boat and into the river.

The roads were dicey to say the last. Part tarmac, part stone with massive pot holes in them, part muddy, sloshy paths. How the driver managed to negotiate his way through muddy roads which where at least a foot deep in a two wheel drive, I'll never know. He said it was luck. I say he was a genius. We cheered every time we got to dry land.

The sights along the way were incredible - will upload pics soon. Not just the scenery - it's so green and lush but quite vast at the same time. The people we saw and how they cope with getting by on the bear minimum was astounding too.

Apparently people are just glad that Pol Pot's ruling is over and so anything over and above that ie freedom is an improvement. Embarrassingly I actually didn't know that much about Khmer Roughe's genocidal rule until a few days ago (when I started reading about it!). Words fail me when I got a clear understanding of the atrocities - paralysing is the only one I can think of that comes close.

Basically Pol Pot wanted Cambodia to become a Maoist, peasant-dominated, agrarian cooperative. People were relocated to the country side. Thousands of people who spoke foreign languages or even wore spectacles were branded as 'parasites' and killed. Almost 2 million Cambodians between 1975-1979.

I was speaking to Vindy (moto taxi driver) who was 7 when Pol Pot's ruling came to an end. He said it was horrific. For 7 years he was separated from his parents. His mum worked in one camp with other women. His father in another and him with the other children working in another camp. They would wake at 5am, start work in the fields at 6am. Break at 11 till 12 then work right through till 6pm. A child under 7 was working in these conditions. He said he only saw his parents once a month and they hardly had anything to eat. He said he was starving hungry for 7 years and he and the rest of the country are only starting to get back on their feet.

You only have to look around to see the number of children and adults maimed by the mines and begging to see the effects. This together with the fact you have children selling bracelets and book marks on the beach makes it even more apparent as to how desperate people are. You're advised not to give this way but to donate to govt/private run charities but it's so hard. How can you turn a 8 year-old child away when at the end of the day it's only 50p to you? Consequently I'm now the proud owner of rather a lot of book marks!!

Despite the poverty or almost in spite of the poverty, Cambodia from what I've seen already is an amazing country. It has a lovely vibe to it which I really like. Again, it's pretty early in the day but from what I've seen so far I think another visit next year could be on the cards.

I'm in Sihnouville until Saturday, then I'm heading north to Phnom Penh so see the killing fields, S-21 (former school that Pol Pot turned into a security prison. Then up to Siem Reap and Angkor Wat. May be travelling on my own as I think Brooke and Brett will want to stay in Sihnouville for more sun. I need to get going as I'm flighing back to Chiang Mai, Thailand 14th Sept to meet my friend Maneeze and head north into Laos. To say I'm excited is an understatement!!

Same same but different

Ko Samet and Ko Chang are both gorgeous islands off the east coast of Thailand. Me, Brooke and Snowy (met up with them in Bangkok) decided to head out to both islands on our way to Cambodia, for a bit of sun and relaxation.

Both islands boast stunning white beaches. Weather is a bit iffy but it's the wet season so it's to be expected. Seafood is exceptional. I've had some amazing seafood dishes and have developed a mild obsession for grilled squid, black pepper and a squirt of lime - gorgeous!

One thing Brooke and I have both noticed is that on Ko Samet (unless you like locals) doesn't offer much on the eye candy front. Not the end of the world admittedly but slightly it's disconcerting when Snowy is literally fighting them off with a stick! On a number of occasions Brooke and I have stumbled back leaving Snowy at the local haunt (Ploys) shaking some (serious moves) on the dance floor surrounded by some admirers!

Ko Chang on the other hand is much the same except it's more sleazy. In fact you could say both islands have a little of each other.

The fact we've headed to both islands during the wet season naturally limits what's on offer. There are more dodgy men around due to the fact they get such cheap flight/package deals. There are tons of Thai 'ladies' around as business is slow. That said my eyes and ears are working overtime - brilliant!

However the beauty of travelling is if you're not so keen on a place you move on. So move on we did. Ko Samet was great. I had some amazing reflexology and massages, the seafood was amazing and the buckets lethal and we met some really lovely locals who totally embraced us into there group of friends. Something you'd never usually experience so readily in London. Jaiar and Jack (both Thai) introduced us to Ploys - the local haunt - where the compare introduces the firemen (no, not firemen as we know them - which is what I originally thought - they actually dance with fire!) based on their age and whether they're up for being a toyboy or not. Hilarious. 'This chocolate Thai boy is 18 and definitely up for some toyboy lovin'. Said in a Thai/cockney accent.

Ko Chang again is gorgeous. Jaiar went back to Bangkok and Jack stayed on and was heading to Ko Chang to see his family so we decided to tag along. White Sands beach is stunning. Again, loving the seafood and have developed an obsession for spicy tuna salad and Tom Yam soup. I also managed to extend my accommodation repertoire to a 150 baht (2 quid) a night hut with massive gaping gaps between the wooden walls and the ceiling. This is monumental in its self. A few months ago I would've screamed at the thought. Now I'm virtually flicking bugs off my bed. (slight exaggeration - I just stand there and scream as opposed to screaming and running out of the hut but I still look at is as progress!).

Only draw back about Ko Chang is the sleaze. It's out of control. Old western men leching over young and I mean young Thai girls or lady boys. My eyes have been popping out of my head as I've witnessed the odd 50 plus male groping a lady boy with a semi. Again, don't get me wrong I'm not moaning; I've also been privy to endless conversations (ok, I will admit to eaves dropping massively) where guys are negotiating their price for the evening. Plus I've had the chance to fine tune my 'categories' - basically I've identified four categories of men who spend time with Thai women (more later on this). Now I'm travelling with Snowy I'm able to refine my categories even more as I now have a blokes perspective. Perfect.

Anyway, four days on Ko Chang and we've had enough sun and seafood. So I'm heading to Cambodia tomorrow (Tuesday 4th Sept). First stop is Sihanoukville, then Phonom Penh, then Angkor Wat, followed by a bit of beach action somewhere (not sure where yet) before flying to Kathmandu 29th Sept.

What's with the name change?

The one thing that I've noticed while I've been travelling in Thailand is the sheer number of people I meet who've changed their names. It's quite strange and slightly bizarre. Why do people feel the need to change their names? Is it because they want to shed their old identify? Do they arrive in Thailand or get half way through their travels and decide their name no longer suits them?

Admittedly travelling can do strange things to people. I can see how some people can arrive in a place like Thailand, 'find themselves' and feel their old life in the UK, USA etc doesn't suit them anymore. They don't want to go back to it and therefore feel changing their name signifies a new beginning, chapter, whatever they'd like to call it, in their lives.

Whatever the reasons I have to say I do find it amusing. Mainly because of the names they decide to choose. For example, to date I've met a Pau (formally Carlos), Star (formally Carla), Chard (formally Richard), Fu (formally Andrew) and last but by no means least, Mhowi (he refused to tell me his 'real' name!).

It's even more interesting to see how people react when you ask them why they changed their name. Some for example freely admit they just didn't think their name suited them or their new image. In this case Pau and Star both said they began travelling, discovered new sides to themselves, started a new profession while travelling so didn't feel their birth names reflected who they really where anymore.

Chard was hilarious. A friend of mine met him in a bar in Pai. She noticed him propping up the bar with Fu mainly because both of them had painted the little finger nail on their left hand blue. Bright blue. Why? Apparently it signifies they are part of a 'special' group of 50 or so friends who meet regularly on Koh Phagnan. Those in the 'know' recognise the bright blue finger nail and they get special treatment. The nature of the 'special' treatment wasn't divulged.

It turns out Chard decided to call himself Chard because a Thai man couldn't quite get the hang of Richard. So Chard (a 60 year-old, white hair, mullet style, left ear pierced with his own boat, who's been travelling for 10 years) liked his new name so much he decided to stick with it.

Mhowi plays the didgery doo and comes from Wimbledon. He wouldn't tell me why he'd changed his name. Tried to make out it's his birth name (that was the subtext). I very much doubt his mother introduced him to the Wimbledon set as 'Mhowi' as she pushed his buggy around Wimbledon Common. I could be wrong of course but...I very much doubt it!

Tear jerking journeys - sorry, experiences!

One of the most horrific journeys I've had to endure to date (aside from a 6 hour train journey from Bangkok to Chiang Mai turned into an 18 hour endurance test with me in a reclining chair scared shitless as the the train rolled backwards down the track for about three hours!) was part of my journey from Ko Samet to Ko Chang.

Thankfully Brooke and Brett where with me - to be honest if they hadn't had been I would've thrown my rucksack on the floor, stomped my feet on the ground and cried like a baby as I saw the stomach wrenching task ahead of me. In fact I'd go so far as to say I would've slid down the nearest wall sobbing uncontrollably.

To the untrained or untraveled eye you'd be forgiven for thinking booking a ferry and a bus ticket means just that. Well it does in essence. And that's exactly how my journey panned out. Except when I booked my ticket the smiley little Thai man didn't tell me I'd had to face two of my biggest fears - the sea and height....at the same time.

I suffer massively from vertigo. In fact I've yet to meet anyone who has the fear as much as I do. I feel dizzy when I step up onto a chair. It hinders me in many, many ways. For example, changing a light bulb (admittedly not a regular past time of mine) is a huge undertaking. Looking out of windows from a great height makes me wince. Even stepping down or even jumping down puts the fear of God in me. You get the picture.

The sea is another fear of mine. I have to be able to see the bottom at all times. Can't bear its anywhere near my face. Jumping into the sea is a big no no as is putting my head under the water. You have no hope in hell of me jumping from a pier into the sea. I'd rather stab my hand.

So you can imagine how I felt when faced with the reality that if I wanted to catch the ferry to the mainland, I would have to face two of my biggest fears.

I would have to leap between five boats, bobbing around in the dock, with my rucksack on my back. Once I arrived at the mainland I would then have to leap and I mean leap, from the boat to the pier in order to board the awaiting bus.

Whatever happened to a sturdy steel plank which you could walk easily across (with handle bars) and without being on the verge of tears? What ever happened to mooring the damn boat right next to the pier to ensure a woman from London with all manner of various (some might say verging on the neurotic - admittedly none have lived to tell the tale) fears boards in a relaxed manner? Let me tell you, these considerations don't exist on the piers of Ko Samet and Lung Lang. You have been warned!

To say I was scared was an understatement. We were already late for the boat. Thankfully we were travelling with Jack - local to the island - so he was yelling at the skipper in Thai to wait for us. I was running, rather waddling with my rucksack on my back. Yep, it now feels like I have one dead person in my rucksack rather than two.

As soon as it became apparent I'd have to leap across five boats to get the boat taking us to Lung Lang I began to panic. In fact I think I whimpered. Jack nibbley leapt in between the boats. Brett (Snowy) was right behind him. Thankfully Brooke knew of my fears and hung back with me....she also grabbed Snowy so he could lend some muscle to the problem.

I seem to remember (raw fear distorts your memory) Snowy grabbed my rucksack and lugged it to the ferry. That meant my initial fear of falling in between two boats, knocking my head as I fell into the murky sea, sinking to the bottom and drowning due to the dead weight on my back, which would ultimately mean I would have to live on the 'other side' with the knowledge I'd been murdered by my rucksack, was erased.

That just left me with the slightly adapted fear of falling in between two boats, smacking my head on one as I fell and drowning was left for me to replay over and over again in my mind.

Brooke, the true friend, took pity on me and held out her hand as I blinked back my tears and gingerly stepped between the boats. I did it. I consoled myself that I was alive. It was fine. It was over.

Or so I thought.

As we arrived at the pier at Lung Lang my heart sank. I passed a few torret-esq comments to the guys as it became apparent we'd have to climb up a ladder and leap from the boat to the pier.

My chin wobbled. I blinked back more tears and recited my travelling mantra ' please don't let me die today, I promise I'll be nice to everyone I meet, I promise I'll have kind thoughts from this day forward, please don't let me die today - not leaping from a ferry to a pier at least'....

Again my rucksack was grabbed from me. Brooke advised the guys I would need a hand. Thankfully Snowy showed no fear and as I leapt forward over the 2 ft gap he grabbed my hand. I arrived safely on dry land, very close to tears.