I wasn't too sure what to expect of Angkor Wat. I'd heard varying reports from other travellers in terms of how long to spend there; from a morning, to two days to a week so it was pretty hard to work out exactly how much time to spend there.
I knew a little bit about it. It's one of the seven wonders of the world so obviously a must-see. The temples of Angkor, capital of Cambodia's ancient Khmer empire, is a combination of awesome architecture and spiritual devotion. Each Cambodian god-king strove to better their ancestors in size, scale and symmetry which resulted in the world's largest religious building - Angkor Wat and one of thee world's strangest - the Bayon.
I think the Angkorian period spanned for more than 600 years or so...from AD 802 to 1432. So it's pretty amazing these temples are still standing (in various states) considering the years of terror, poverty and war Cambodia has suffered. At it's height the empire stretched from Burma to Vietnam, a city that boasted a population of one million when London was a 'tiny' town of 50,000.
Today the temples are a point of pilgrimage for all Cambodians - it was amazing to see the sheer number of locals sitting around the moat of Angkor Wat, praying at various enormous Buddha statues around the temples. Now I can appreciate architecture and I like nothing more than embracing a history and culture but I'm not one for staring at engravings for hours on end. I like to get in there, appreciate, take it all in then leave. Thankfully Brooke and Brett were of the same opinion so we decided on spending a day there.
We decided to watch the sun rise over Angkor Wat. What a way to spend a Monday morning. The fact I wasn't spending another Monday morning dragging myself (kicking and screaming) to work, to deal with pressing issues like how much coverage can we generate on another bottle of shampoo or even better, a review on a previous campaign, or a personal favorite another ridiculous demand from a client such as 'can you find out how much it will cost for Kylie Minogue to perform at our party...the budget is 10k'. So waking up at 430am after 3 hrs sleep was a very small price to pay.
Rater, friend of Mr Banana and a fellow tuk tuk driver was our man for the day. We boomed around (literally) from temple to temple and timed each visit to perfection. It wasn't too busy. The sun rise over Angkor Wat was amazing. The temple itself was incredible. I literally stood there in awe as the sun rose, the temple reflecting the lake before it and a guy constantly asking if I wanted a coffee (back to reality). I like coffee plus I was knackered to I welcomed his offer!!
Ta Prohm was next. It's a fabulous ruin and the original Tomb Raider temple. It was definitely the most atmospheric ruin at Angkor and has been left to be swallowed by the jungle. It's stunning. The temple is cloaked in shadows, its crumbling walls and towers a embraced by various roots. A local man who was one of the caretakers of the temple showed us around. One of the most jaw dropping moments for me was when he took us into a small chamber and started thumped repeatedly on the left hand side of his chest. It echoed. He then thumped other areas of his chest and there was no echo at all. It was amazing. He said it had been designed purposefully so that it only echoed when you thumped your heart area, nowhere else.
Other highlights included the Terrace of Elephants and one of my personal favs The Bayon which boasts over 200 giant faces with enigmatic smiles. It was fabulous and truly beautiful in the shadows of the afternoon. Preah Khan was great in terms of its sheer size. Watching the sun st over Phnom Bakheng with a million other Chinese and Korean tourists was pretty amusing too. I also managed to overcome my fear of heights (slightly) and climbed to the top of the temple. Frankly it was mainly because I'd hiked up the side of a mountain to get the top, there was no way having got there I was going to miss out on the view because of a few narrow and very steep steps!! Thankfully I didn't freeze on the way down - big pat on the back for that one!!
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Monday, 17 September 2007
What kind of man....the categories
Over the past couple of months I've been fortunate to witness some fantastic sights. Some have been appreciated, some haven't. Many of them jaw dropping....some for the wrong reasons. One of the many sights I've become only to familiar with in Thailand and to a certain extent in Cambodia, is the sheer number of Western men with South East Asian women.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer of each to their own. Everyone has there own tastes and that's the way it should be - something for everyone. I don't have a problem with that. It's just I can't help but wonder what it's all about. You shouldn't judge on looks alone but I have to admit it really makes my skin crawl when you see a 65 plus, overweight man with mottled skin, a gold chain and comb over wich a 20 year-old size 0 girl.
The sex trade in Thailand is no big secret. It's rife. Many of the women are prostitutes, forced into the sex trade to feed their families and or seek a better lifestyle as there own is too unbearable. Some simply prefer to earn a living this way. One guy I was with was told this girl fancied him, he was naturally flattered until he was told he'd have to pay the princely sum of 1,000 bhat...that's about a tenner for her time. On the other hand some women aren't prostitutes as such - they are just seeking a lifestyle which could only be achieved with a 'wealthy' Western man.
So you could say that they offer a service which there is a market for. It's fair and square and there's nothing wrong with it. Prostitution is probably the oldest profession in the world. Of course there isn't anything wrong with it as such but then again if it was so great we'd all be encouraging our daughters, sisters, friends to graduate into the profession. Most of the men I know are more than fine with it until you ask them if they'd like their sister/daughter/neice to experince the same and they soon start stuttering.
The thing is that personally I can't help but feel pity for the tiny, young Thai woman who is sitting across from a man old enough to be her grandfather and who has the face only a mother could love. Add to the fact she's drinking water so is stone cold sober. Well, you can't really help but feel pity.
Obviously not all South East Asian women with Western men are prostitutes. Perhaps there is an agreement of sorts. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours - sorry, couldn't resist!
We're all familiar with Thai brides, groups of guys who head to Thailand for a sex fest, the loners who are really just seeking some company, preferably from a pretty woman who won't give them any back chat. I know a few men who'd like the sound of that!! And if you have to part with 15 quid along they way then...well, I'm sure it's justified by the fact it's the equivalent to buying a a few drinks in the pub (depending on where you drink) and you're guaranteed she puts out at the end of it! Some of course are genuinely in love and that's fantastic.
A few evenings have been spent with various travellers I've met along the way, debating the whole western man with South East Asian women scenario. Is it fair on the women? Is it unfair on the men? Who's the loser - if you want to put it like that. Are there particular types of men who and can you put them into categories. Of course! There have been many differences of opinion as I'm sure you can imagine. In general though most think it's far from ideal given the fact many of the women wouldn't be with the guys if she had a choice. The thing is we call have choices. It's just that often we don't like the choices we have.
Now I'm not naive enough to think I can change things. However if I'm constantly being confronted with a huge number of Western men with South East Asian woman then I'm going to have to make sense of it some how. The easiest way for me is with some humour. So I've devised four key categories. These have been discussed at length with various friends (male and female) and refined along the way. And if I do say so myself, I think they're pretty spot on!
Category 1: the divorcee:
A personal favorite of mine in terms of value - they get really uncomfortable if you stare at them which of course I love to do...if nothing else I'm puzzled as to why they think combing over two strands of hair hides their bald head.
This species is easily identifyable, usually with dyed auburn coloured hair to hide the grey hair when introduced to the woman's village family. 8 out of 10 sport a comb over 'hair style' which usual amounts to two or three strands of hair, geled and combed over the skull. Hides a multitude of sins don't you know!!
Normally dressed from head to toe in one colour (either light blue of beige), usually cotton short sleeved shirt and trousers with alarming footwear. Being a shoe lover, the footwear bothers me the most. It can range from black or brown leather slip-ons or sandals....with matching socks.
The divorcee is tired of women from his country and/or 20 years younger than him. He thinks women within this age range expect to much, they are too opinionated. Frankly too much like hard work. He's after someone who's attractive, who will look after him, won't question his tactics and sexula prowness (assuming he has any) in bed and generally will agree with what he says...this is mainly due to the language barrier as she can't really understand what he's saying or if she does, she doesn't have the vocab to reply!
The bonus for the South East Western woman is that he offers a nice lifestyle and she doesn't have to engage in too much conversation. A simple nod or yes will suffice.
Category 2: In love:
Young or old it can happen to anyone if you're lucky. You can spot it a mile off and it's lovely to see.
Category 3: The Loaner:
This guy rarely pulls women in his home town. He needs to go abroad and pay for it to get a look in with a pretty girl. He's in awe of his mates who get to go home with attractive women so naturally enjoys the kudos of 'pulling' a good looking girl abroad.
The girl usually look a bit pained or bored as they listen to him waffle on about himself. The Loaner usually wears a logo tee with light faded jeans and trainer. He tends to walk the streets hand in hand with said woman with a massive grin on his face. Fair enough!
Category 4: The Hedonist:
Basically a bit of sex pest. No age or looks category here - men who fall into this category are out to satisfy as many of the sexual perverse fantasies as possible. Have been known to get quite violent. Tend to treat the woman with contempt or on the flip side are just thankful someone has finally allowed them to act out their greatest and potentially sickest fantasy.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer of each to their own. Everyone has there own tastes and that's the way it should be - something for everyone. I don't have a problem with that. It's just I can't help but wonder what it's all about. You shouldn't judge on looks alone but I have to admit it really makes my skin crawl when you see a 65 plus, overweight man with mottled skin, a gold chain and comb over wich a 20 year-old size 0 girl.
The sex trade in Thailand is no big secret. It's rife. Many of the women are prostitutes, forced into the sex trade to feed their families and or seek a better lifestyle as there own is too unbearable. Some simply prefer to earn a living this way. One guy I was with was told this girl fancied him, he was naturally flattered until he was told he'd have to pay the princely sum of 1,000 bhat...that's about a tenner for her time. On the other hand some women aren't prostitutes as such - they are just seeking a lifestyle which could only be achieved with a 'wealthy' Western man.
So you could say that they offer a service which there is a market for. It's fair and square and there's nothing wrong with it. Prostitution is probably the oldest profession in the world. Of course there isn't anything wrong with it as such but then again if it was so great we'd all be encouraging our daughters, sisters, friends to graduate into the profession. Most of the men I know are more than fine with it until you ask them if they'd like their sister/daughter/neice to experince the same and they soon start stuttering.
The thing is that personally I can't help but feel pity for the tiny, young Thai woman who is sitting across from a man old enough to be her grandfather and who has the face only a mother could love. Add to the fact she's drinking water so is stone cold sober. Well, you can't really help but feel pity.
Obviously not all South East Asian women with Western men are prostitutes. Perhaps there is an agreement of sorts. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours - sorry, couldn't resist!
We're all familiar with Thai brides, groups of guys who head to Thailand for a sex fest, the loners who are really just seeking some company, preferably from a pretty woman who won't give them any back chat. I know a few men who'd like the sound of that!! And if you have to part with 15 quid along they way then...well, I'm sure it's justified by the fact it's the equivalent to buying a a few drinks in the pub (depending on where you drink) and you're guaranteed she puts out at the end of it! Some of course are genuinely in love and that's fantastic.
A few evenings have been spent with various travellers I've met along the way, debating the whole western man with South East Asian women scenario. Is it fair on the women? Is it unfair on the men? Who's the loser - if you want to put it like that. Are there particular types of men who and can you put them into categories. Of course! There have been many differences of opinion as I'm sure you can imagine. In general though most think it's far from ideal given the fact many of the women wouldn't be with the guys if she had a choice. The thing is we call have choices. It's just that often we don't like the choices we have.
Now I'm not naive enough to think I can change things. However if I'm constantly being confronted with a huge number of Western men with South East Asian woman then I'm going to have to make sense of it some how. The easiest way for me is with some humour. So I've devised four key categories. These have been discussed at length with various friends (male and female) and refined along the way. And if I do say so myself, I think they're pretty spot on!
Category 1: the divorcee:
A personal favorite of mine in terms of value - they get really uncomfortable if you stare at them which of course I love to do...if nothing else I'm puzzled as to why they think combing over two strands of hair hides their bald head.
This species is easily identifyable, usually with dyed auburn coloured hair to hide the grey hair when introduced to the woman's village family. 8 out of 10 sport a comb over 'hair style' which usual amounts to two or three strands of hair, geled and combed over the skull. Hides a multitude of sins don't you know!!
Normally dressed from head to toe in one colour (either light blue of beige), usually cotton short sleeved shirt and trousers with alarming footwear. Being a shoe lover, the footwear bothers me the most. It can range from black or brown leather slip-ons or sandals....with matching socks.
The divorcee is tired of women from his country and/or 20 years younger than him. He thinks women within this age range expect to much, they are too opinionated. Frankly too much like hard work. He's after someone who's attractive, who will look after him, won't question his tactics and sexula prowness (assuming he has any) in bed and generally will agree with what he says...this is mainly due to the language barrier as she can't really understand what he's saying or if she does, she doesn't have the vocab to reply!
The bonus for the South East Western woman is that he offers a nice lifestyle and she doesn't have to engage in too much conversation. A simple nod or yes will suffice.
Category 2: In love:
Young or old it can happen to anyone if you're lucky. You can spot it a mile off and it's lovely to see.
Category 3: The Loaner:
This guy rarely pulls women in his home town. He needs to go abroad and pay for it to get a look in with a pretty girl. He's in awe of his mates who get to go home with attractive women so naturally enjoys the kudos of 'pulling' a good looking girl abroad.
The girl usually look a bit pained or bored as they listen to him waffle on about himself. The Loaner usually wears a logo tee with light faded jeans and trainer. He tends to walk the streets hand in hand with said woman with a massive grin on his face. Fair enough!
Category 4: The Hedonist:
Basically a bit of sex pest. No age or looks category here - men who fall into this category are out to satisfy as many of the sexual perverse fantasies as possible. Have been known to get quite violent. Tend to treat the woman with contempt or on the flip side are just thankful someone has finally allowed them to act out their greatest and potentially sickest fantasy.
Visiting the orphans in Phnom Penh
I heard about The New Cambodian Children's Life Association in Phnom Penh from two other travellers I met in Sihnoukville. They recommended it as they had also visited it a few days earlier and said it was really well run, the children were happy plus it was a privately funded orphanage which doesn't tend to get the same amount of exposure as the govt run organisations.
The NCCL provides poor and orphaned children with a safe place to live. They receive food, clothes, medicine and an education. The majority of funding comes from a non-profit Veiyo Tonie restaurant owned by Neth as his wife. I think they set it up 3 or 4 years ago.
I called up before to ask if it was OK to pop in, see the children etc. We arrived at the restaurant on the river front in Phnom Penh and we walked round the corner by the restaurant manager, Lay, to where the orphanage.
Around 20 or so children live at the orphanage which is essentially a large town house. It's cool and airy, the walls are bright and colourful with various paintings from the children and photos of trips to the country side, water parks etc. Basically it wasn't at all how I'd imagined it - it wasn't dark, gloomy, dirty and definitely didn't have a air of sadness as I'd originally thought.
After being shown around I then felt my hand being tugged and I looked down to see a little girl (Sarisha) of about 8 or 9 grabbing my hand and leading me to the picture board. In between her broken English and my pigeon Khmer she pointed as the pics of her and showed me around the orphanage and to her room which she shared with the other 6 girls at the orphanage.
The girls, ranging from 7-14, were really pleased to see Brooke and I and were only too happy to involve us in some of their games. I was pretty crap - try throwing a ball in the air and while it's in mid air picking up 5 pens from the floor - they round it hilarious and showed pride in demonstrating to me exactly how it should be done!
One of the girls had some nail varnish so I stuck to what I knew best and decided to share the love of painting nails. Definitely a bonding experience - I knew the hours and hours spent having mani's and pedi's would eventually pay off in a good way!
It seems it doesn't matter which nationality you speak too. At the end of the day children are children. So it was quite funny when Brett walked in to the girls room to see what all the noise was about. The girls found it hilarious when Brooke and I told him to get out and made 'er' noises as he was a boy - they loved it and all joined in esp when another boy came into the room with him! Some things are definitely universal!
It's funny how you can see immediately the pecking order. One leads, the other is a joker etc and naturally one has the mickey taken out of the them a bit more than the others.
One girl in particular was really quite and very shy. The others gently mocked her when we asked her name mainly I think because she was really shy. She sat in the corner with her face covered for the first 15 mins we were there. She didn't want to get involved in any of the games we played or chat - in fact she just pottered around us quietly as we spoke to the other girls. I later learnt that both her parents had passed away from an aids related disease and she'd lost her brother and sister to landmines. Back at the restaurant they have mini biogs on each child with some quotes from them. On her biog she said how much she liked living at the orphanage as she has regular meals and she's pleased as the others let her have her quiet time to herself. Pretty sobering.
Most the children there had either lost their parents to an Aids related disease or a landmine or perhaps worse (if you want to look at it that way) their parents just simply couldn't afford to look after them anymore. I'm struggling to work out which would have the most detrimental effect on a child. I mean obviously both situs are horrendous for anyone let alone a young child. To lose your parents is one thing but to have to leave them because they can't afford to feed or cloth you....that must be heart rendering too. Knowing they're out there but not being able to live with them. Luckily for me it's unimaginable. It's dreadful to think someone so young has to suffer to much. I imagine it totally robs them of any childhood as we would know it.
What I really liked about the orphanage is that it completely changed my opinion of them. I initially thought it would be a place of sadness, dark, gloomy. It was quite the reverse and most importantly the children seemed really happy and content.
All the proceeds from the restaurant go to funding the orphanage. All donations in the form of clothes, vegetables and rice are really welcome. Considering $25 will buy you a massive bag of high quality rice, which feeds the children for 2 weeks, it's incredible 12 quid (that's what I would usually pay for for 2 cocktails) can help so much.
The highlight of the children's week is that each Saturday evening they get to dress up and perform a traditional Khmer dance - I'm heading back to Phnom Penh to catch a flight back to Bangers before I fly to Kathmandu - I'm under strict instructions from the children to come along. To be honest I can't think of a better way to spend my Saturday evening!
Saturday, 15 September 2007
Loving Phnom Penh
I wasn't quite too sure what to expect from Phnom Penh. I'd heard so many mixed reviews. First thing I was told was to hold onto my bag - tightly. It's not the kind of place where you wander down the road with your mobile attached to your ear. The begging is out of control but then that's to be expected in a capital city. I suppose I'd liken Phnom Penh to Brixton at night. Fine but you have to keep your whits about you.
Nothing quite prepares you for the reception you get when you arrive at the bus station. As soon as the bus pulled up the tuk tuk drivers started banging the sides of the coach and hard. There were about 100 tuk tuk drivers waiting to catch your attention to persuad you to go with them and/or staying at a particular guest house. It was a glimps into what it's like to be a celeb...a nightmare!!
I liked Phnom Penh though. Tons to do, pretty hectic but that was a nice change compared to peaceful Sihanoukville. We decided to 'treat' outselves and opted for an air con room, hot water and satalite tv. We stayed at Okay Guesthouse which was okay oddly enough. For 12$ you get all the mod cons. Words can't describe how happy I was when as Ashton Kushcher film came on followed by the 'wedding crashers' oh how I love Vince. It was bliss.
Vindy put us in touch with Mr Banana who was our guide/driver for the 3 days we were there. He was fabulous. Totally looked after us showed us all the sights and stopped Snowy from going home with a Thai prossie (who was pretending not to be) when he was half cut. A saviour then really!!
PP is where you get a true sense of the attrocoties the Cambodians have been through during Pol Pots reign. The images of all the poor people displayed at the Genocide Museum (where they'd take anyone who was deemed intelligent and torcher them virtually to death, if they were lucky) will stay with me forever. It's unbelievable that so many attrosoties happened so recently. No one knew about it until much, much later as journalists were all killed. No one was spared - men, women, children all horrifically treated.
The killing fields was sobering to say the least. There was a tree where they Khmers would thrash babies against to kill them. Mass graves of up to 800 people. As you walked through the area you could see clothes and bones which were just beneath the earths surface. Grim.
So there I was standing just above a mass grave, contemplating the attrocities that had taken place. When I look up and this guy is starring at me and smiling. Totally out of context I then realise it's a guy I met in Chiang Mai. You could say our eyes met across a mass grave. You could also say that 5 mins later we're arranging to meet for a drink yards away from a mass grave. Slightly unusual to say the least. It felt pretty strange so I consoled myself with the fact that we were embracing the new Cambodian spirit; life goes on....ahem.
Dates and mass graves aside I had some great nights out in PP - Forigen Correspondent Club with great views of the river was brilliant. Fabulous cranberry mojitos. Heart of Darkness was a club which as pitched to me as 'really quite rough' so naturally I had to go there. Rough it wasn't. Pick up joint it was. Reminded me of the Dog star in Brixton. Hilarious. Stumbled out of there a few times.
PP was were I dicovered Boom Boom Room - a life saving place where you can update your Ipod with the latest albums and movies. God, I was in heaven. Various must-haves including Marc Ronson, Barry White, Blondie, Timbaland etc plus movies including Goodfellers and Love Actually (didn't have how to lose a guy in 10 days or the godfather) were uploaded for a small price. I LOVVE TECHNOLOGY. and the fact I have two of my fav films loaded onto my Ipod makes the long bus journeys barable. That and a couple of vallium!!
I'm coming back to PP in a few days when Brooke and I fly back to Bangkok. We're going to Raffles for a few cocktails, FCC club again and I dare say a visit to the Heart of Darkness will be on the agenda too.
In the meantime we're heading to Siem Reap for Angkor Wat action and Battambong.
Heart of Darkness
FFC
Killing fields
Genocide museum
Sunny Sihanoukville
The east coast of Thailand had been a bit of let down in terms of sun so when we woke up to glorious sunshine the morning after we arrived in Sihanoukville, Brooke, Snowy and I cheered with joy. Sun at last and lots of it. Plus the view from our hut over looking the bay at Coasters was amazing.
We ended up staying a week sunning ourselves on the gorgeous Serendipity Beach. Perfect for people watching, the beach was stunning, lots of beach bars which came to life in the evening. I ended up the proud owner of a number of book marks and bracelets. I know, I'm a sucker but it's way to hard to resist the children selling there bits and bobs. I also brought a couple of paintings too. Bit suspect that one of the children, Hong, who was particularly cheeky and cute actually drew the painting - he was pretty street wise, even at the grand old age of 11 - it wouldn't surprise me if he got the other kids to paint the pics and he sold them!! It all helps though and really what's a few dollars at the end of the day!
Few highlights from Sihanoukville aside from the gorgeous beach was meeting some brilliant people. Not a day would pass without 'Fruit salad' (the only gay on the beach) who would mince up to us and come out with some hilarious comments. In order to get us buy his fruit he would often threaten to 'kill' Snowy who he had a massive crush on - much to mine and Brooke's amusement. He would look horrified when we suggested he fancied Snowy but would always make a bee line for him. Fruit Salad ruled the beach, had the most amazing long nails I'd ever seen and also was great at painting nails!! My feet never looked so good!
Vindy, the moto driver, was lovely. Showed Snowey and I around Sihanoukville. Saw some amazing, jaw dropping sights..poverty was like I've never seen before. Not sure I'll ever eat Chicken again having witnessed a truck lined from top to bottom with dead chickens all hanging upside down. Anyway Vindy was the perfect guide, sorted us out with everything we needed and put us in touch will Mr Banana in Phenom Penh.
The food in Cambodia is pretty good. Not same in terms of variety that you get in Thailand but then I'm not in Thailand so it would be different I suppose!! Anyway, back to the food. Cannabis is a common ingredient used in Khmer dishes, just a touch, nothing too heavy going. Anyway, seeing as I no longer smoke (anything) I decided to induldge in a 'happy' shake - when in Rome and all that. My urge to sample a local delacacie lead me to meet Jo at South Afrian restaurant owner. I happened to stumble across his restaurant - Seven Club - which I later renamed S Club Seven - as it advertised Happy shakes.
After I'd literally downed 2 shakes Jo came over to check I was okay. Of course I was okay, I'd just consumed a few happy shakes. Life was great. Whether I could actually stand was another matter. So I got chatting to Jo. I talked at Jo for quite some time. In fact I'll put money on it that poor Jo had no idea what he was letting himself into when he wondered up to me on the premise of making sure I was okay.
3 hours later I was still going strong. Why was he living here? What had inspired him to buy a restaurant? What was South Africa like? Was he married (naturally he thought this was a come on -just to put this into perspective Jo was my dad's age so not on my radar whatsoever!). Given my experience with an ex who was also South African I naturally showed little mercy on the questions front. I also had to remind myself often that I wasn't talking to my ex who I really don't have fond memories of and change my tone accordingly.
Jo was the perfect gentleman though. I think the fact I'd sunk so many shakes worked in my favor. He probably just thought my ramblings and fairly personal quesitons were a result of the shakes. He was right to a certain extent but no matter what state I get myself into I usually find my ability to ask and/or make inappropriate comments (which I get from my mother!) usually comes to light soon enough.
It was in this state that I met Lou, an Aussie who was drinking with some Chinese guys - she invited me over to join them on the premise that it was better than sitting on my own. After a few shakes I tended to differ so I invited her to have one. That night I knocked back the 'opportunity' to be escorted back to my room by Jo and continude to drink shakes with Lou until the early hours!
Other highlights of Sihanoukville include watching the sun set at the Frog Shack (word of warning, never eat there just drink), eating fresh squid bbq-ed right in front of you for lunch on the beach (you get 6 for 1 $!), watching an entire Cambodian family all dance to Kylie Minogue at the Moon Shack and watching Lou nearly going up in flames when a fire boy's flamming stick flew onto her lap...obviously a highlight for the wrong reasons!!
Thursday, 6 September 2007
Everyday worries - advice from a Monk
It's perfectly normal to dare to dream of a worry free life. I know I originally thought that if I went traveling I wouldn't have any worries. Of course I was wrong. I've transferred my disdain for my job towards my rucksack. I now worry more about where I'm heading, what I'm going to do in the future, the fact I'm 34 and haven't 'settled' down even though I've yet to meet a guy I'd like to settle down with. I also worry about the fact that I'm not worried enough about the settling down thing so do you know what? I worry about that too!!
We all have our worries. Someone once said to me if another person gave me their worries I'd soon want my own back. It's true. I only have to listen to people on the street to appreciate my own worries!!
Worrying has been a constant topic of conversation with many of my close friends. We talk about what concerns us, the fact we always worry about it. Then we give each other the same advice. My friend's husband always laughs at the fact we give each other the same advice each time then the following week later we're talking about the same problems again - worrying that is - like it's new topic of conversation!!
Worrying has been worrying me (sorry, couldn't resist!) for quite sometime so when I attended a monk chat session at Wat Suan Dok in Chiang Mai I had to ask the monk I was speaking to about worrying. He was only too happy to offer his perspective and he talked to me in great detail about our worries and how to over come them.
It's simple (isn't it always in theory!). Basically you have to accept that life is about worrying. It's about suffering. That's life. Live with it. Once you accept the fact that worries are part of the deal (and sadly no, you don't get your money back on this part) you'll be in a much better position to deal logically with situations as and when they occur.
I told the monk about how I lay awake at night (as so many of us do) worrying about things that haven't even happened. He smiled at me and said the main problem humans face is that were constantly worrying about the future - we're never present. So basically we're constantly chasing our tales. You know what it's like. I know I do it all the time. I call them the 'if only' thoughts. If only I earnt more I'd have no more worries, if only I was to get that promotion, stop working with that person, buy the new Mui Mui sandals...the list is endless. Of course by the time you achieve your goals be it a new house, sofa, car - whatever, you're already on to the next one. So essentially we're never content with what we have. Therefore we're constantly dissatisfied.
Naturally we should have our goals. We all need something to strive towards but at the same time we shouldn't overlook or discard what we have today. Fair enough but it's hard to maintain that when you're up to your earrings at work, the credit card bill has just come threw the door a pair of Manolo's yell at you every time you walk past the shop window or flick through a copy of Vogue! When I said this to the monk he smiled again - he looked slightly puzzled when I mentioned the Manolo's though! To this he basically commented that we need to be 'mindful'. I later learnt at the meditation retreat that meditating was the key to being 'mindful'. It enables you to focus your mind. Keeps out the clutter. And it's really relaxing.
So should everyone practice meditation - in a word yes. That's not always possible or appealing to everyone. I suppose the best thing is to try and keep things in perspective. Focus on today, tomorrow will sort itself out. And it always does. Things have a habit of working out for the best. Whether we realise it immediately or 6 months down the line. We know that and we still worry. That's life. Worrying is life.
The monk told me to stop worrying about worrying. Focus on the here and now. Meditate and stay 'mindful'. Don't lose sight of what you want but equally don't let it rule your thoughts. Appreciate what you have around you. He also said that we have to accept the reality. Stop kidding ourselves. So if someone wrongs you no matter what it is i.e. infidelity, dishonesty...the list is endless. Talk to them about it. Try to understand from them why they did it. It maybe you decide their reasons don't suit you. That's the reality. Then you have to face up to that and decide how you want to deal with it.
Simple really!
We all have our worries. Someone once said to me if another person gave me their worries I'd soon want my own back. It's true. I only have to listen to people on the street to appreciate my own worries!!
Worrying has been a constant topic of conversation with many of my close friends. We talk about what concerns us, the fact we always worry about it. Then we give each other the same advice. My friend's husband always laughs at the fact we give each other the same advice each time then the following week later we're talking about the same problems again - worrying that is - like it's new topic of conversation!!
Worrying has been worrying me (sorry, couldn't resist!) for quite sometime so when I attended a monk chat session at Wat Suan Dok in Chiang Mai I had to ask the monk I was speaking to about worrying. He was only too happy to offer his perspective and he talked to me in great detail about our worries and how to over come them.
It's simple (isn't it always in theory!). Basically you have to accept that life is about worrying. It's about suffering. That's life. Live with it. Once you accept the fact that worries are part of the deal (and sadly no, you don't get your money back on this part) you'll be in a much better position to deal logically with situations as and when they occur.
I told the monk about how I lay awake at night (as so many of us do) worrying about things that haven't even happened. He smiled at me and said the main problem humans face is that were constantly worrying about the future - we're never present. So basically we're constantly chasing our tales. You know what it's like. I know I do it all the time. I call them the 'if only' thoughts. If only I earnt more I'd have no more worries, if only I was to get that promotion, stop working with that person, buy the new Mui Mui sandals...the list is endless. Of course by the time you achieve your goals be it a new house, sofa, car - whatever, you're already on to the next one. So essentially we're never content with what we have. Therefore we're constantly dissatisfied.
Naturally we should have our goals. We all need something to strive towards but at the same time we shouldn't overlook or discard what we have today. Fair enough but it's hard to maintain that when you're up to your earrings at work, the credit card bill has just come threw the door a pair of Manolo's yell at you every time you walk past the shop window or flick through a copy of Vogue! When I said this to the monk he smiled again - he looked slightly puzzled when I mentioned the Manolo's though! To this he basically commented that we need to be 'mindful'. I later learnt at the meditation retreat that meditating was the key to being 'mindful'. It enables you to focus your mind. Keeps out the clutter. And it's really relaxing.
So should everyone practice meditation - in a word yes. That's not always possible or appealing to everyone. I suppose the best thing is to try and keep things in perspective. Focus on today, tomorrow will sort itself out. And it always does. Things have a habit of working out for the best. Whether we realise it immediately or 6 months down the line. We know that and we still worry. That's life. Worrying is life.
The monk told me to stop worrying about worrying. Focus on the here and now. Meditate and stay 'mindful'. Don't lose sight of what you want but equally don't let it rule your thoughts. Appreciate what you have around you. He also said that we have to accept the reality. Stop kidding ourselves. So if someone wrongs you no matter what it is i.e. infidelity, dishonesty...the list is endless. Talk to them about it. Try to understand from them why they did it. It maybe you decide their reasons don't suit you. That's the reality. Then you have to face up to that and decide how you want to deal with it.
Simple really!
Ego's, egos every where...
Travelling is fantastic and I'm having such an amazing time. Obviously I don't expect to have great experiences all of the time, that would be unrealistic. The same goes for the people you meet and observe. Naturally I don't expect that every person I meet, or in my case observe, (okay call it eaves dropping if you will!) will be on my wave length either. That said some of the situations I witness still shock me. Some worse than others. I had an experience like this while I was sunning myself on Serendipity Beach in Sihnoukville.
The beach is stunning. Sea very still and there's a slight breeze which makes it ideal tanning weather. Ching, ching. It's rainy season so the beach isn't packed so there's not much noise either. You get quite a bit of hassle but that's fair enough. People need to earn a living. A simple 'no thank-you' three or four times usually is enough for the children selling bracelets to move on. Some sit down and want to chat. Fine. I like to talk. I can talk all day.
I was lying on my beach lounger, taking in the scenery, giving myself a bit of a pat on the back for deciding to come to Sihnoukville when I over heard the conversation two women were having with a couple of the little girls selling bracelet's. I would assume they would describe themselves as 'educated' they would be wrong if they did!
I had to really stop myself from saying something - in fact I used my newly acquired zoning out skills as per the meditation I was taught my Pooltai in Chiang Mai to avoid passing a comment. The children are obviously eager to sell their pieces to them. Shockingly one woman was telling the gilds that she wouldn't buy anything from them as they couldn't remember her name. Can you believe it? These poor children are trying to make a living, for all we know going home and getting a bollocking for not earning enough, speaking to hundreds of people a day trying to sell their bracelets only to have some stupid female tell them they've missed out on tonight's dinner because they can't remember her name! How egotistical is that! Pretty shocking in my opinion.
Her and her mate were lying there like queens basically patronising these poor children. For example: 'tell me what you learnt at school today' FYI these children work during the day then go to school for 2 hours in the evening 'you must be able to remember' bearing in mind they aren't speaking to them in their native language. 'tomorrow I'll buy something from you but only if you tell me what you've learnt at school today, what's the point in learning if you can't remember'....grrrrgh. Vile. Ego's out of control. Hard to imagine really. Sadly I'm not exaggerating this time.
The beach is stunning. Sea very still and there's a slight breeze which makes it ideal tanning weather. Ching, ching. It's rainy season so the beach isn't packed so there's not much noise either. You get quite a bit of hassle but that's fair enough. People need to earn a living. A simple 'no thank-you' three or four times usually is enough for the children selling bracelets to move on. Some sit down and want to chat. Fine. I like to talk. I can talk all day.
I was lying on my beach lounger, taking in the scenery, giving myself a bit of a pat on the back for deciding to come to Sihnoukville when I over heard the conversation two women were having with a couple of the little girls selling bracelet's. I would assume they would describe themselves as 'educated' they would be wrong if they did!
I had to really stop myself from saying something - in fact I used my newly acquired zoning out skills as per the meditation I was taught my Pooltai in Chiang Mai to avoid passing a comment. The children are obviously eager to sell their pieces to them. Shockingly one woman was telling the gilds that she wouldn't buy anything from them as they couldn't remember her name. Can you believe it? These poor children are trying to make a living, for all we know going home and getting a bollocking for not earning enough, speaking to hundreds of people a day trying to sell their bracelets only to have some stupid female tell them they've missed out on tonight's dinner because they can't remember her name! How egotistical is that! Pretty shocking in my opinion.
Her and her mate were lying there like queens basically patronising these poor children. For example: 'tell me what you learnt at school today' FYI these children work during the day then go to school for 2 hours in the evening 'you must be able to remember' bearing in mind they aren't speaking to them in their native language. 'tomorrow I'll buy something from you but only if you tell me what you've learnt at school today, what's the point in learning if you can't remember'....grrrrgh. Vile. Ego's out of control. Hard to imagine really. Sadly I'm not exaggerating this time.
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