Bad Karma....

My first encounter with a Mediation Snob didn't deter me at all - I had a fabulous time at the retreat. I learnt how to meditate and had the opportunity to ask the Monks various questions which related to everyday life. At least mine anyway. Love, relationships, infidelity, how you should react when someone is really winding you up....the important questions!

I also met some really lovely people so when Ineke, a brilliant Belgium chick who I'd been whispering to (we weren't supposed to talk!) during breaks, asked if I fancied going to another retreat where we'd be taught Tai Chi, Yoga and meditation from a 'really cool Monk' I found myself agreeing immediately.

The following day Ineka and I arrived at the Wat U-Mong Monastery in Chiang Mai. My rucksack was still out of control in the weight department and it literally felt like I had the entire population of Chiang Mai on my back. We walked (well, I waddled) for about an hour around the monastery and were about to be attacked by wild dogs when a Cambodian Monk took pity on us and personally showed us to the meditation centre.

The afternoon was spent learning how to breath properly (yep, you're all probably breathing incorrectly - your stomach should expand when you inhale don't you know), the correct sitting and standing positions for mediation, how to meditate, yoga etc. It was brilliant. Our 'teacher' Pooltai was really interesting, patient and had a great sense of humour.

A key area of Buddhism focuses on Karma. You get back what you put in. You reap what you so. If you behave badly then it will, in time, come back and bite you on the bum. I believe this anyway - little did I know I was about to experience it first hand!!

We were also taken through the various rules at the retreat. Those of you who know me well know that I don't tend to respond that well to rules. In my opinion they are made to be broken and I tend to get a lot of satisfaction from doing so - even better if I get found out. Not sure what that says about my personality. To be frank it's not something that keeps me awake a night. Naturally no one at the retreat was aware of this fact. Not yet anyway.

One of the main 'rules' was we should ideally stay on site. We weren't supposed to leave the grounds of the monastery which meant we could digest what we'd been taught without any 'outside' influences. Plus the gates shut at 9pm sharp so we were advised that if we did decide to leave the monastery we had to be back before the gates shut.

There were just three of us staying at the retreat - the others (Briony and Andrea) were staying at another guest house. Unbeknown to me I had two partners in crime -
May and Ineka. The three of us decided to throw caution to the wind and hot foot it down to the Internet cafe.

Off we went. Laughing hysterically about the 'rules', commenting on how hot some of the Monks were, patting ourselves on the back for 'bending' the rules...we thought we were extremely clever. I thought I was hysterical and for once I hadn't been drinking!!

After the internet we went for drink - another rule broken.

I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Not only did I have partners in crime but they were also willing to go that extra step. Perfect.

Everything was fine until we decided to head back. Still we were laughing. Cracking jokes, being pretty crude about the hot Monks. Then we arrived at the gates. Tried to open the gate. A wild dog started barking - loudly. It started growling. The wild dog which we were convinced had rabies started Edging closer to us. We then tried to scale the wall. We couldn't. Mainly because you'd need to be 7 foot tall to get up there but also because we had a wild dog on our heels.

You see we thought we'd be clever. We thought we could easily hop over the wall to the monastery or there would be an opening in the fence or we could slide the latch back. We couldn't. We were stranded.

By this time the dog was going crazy and our mosi spray was wearing thin. We had no choice but to check in to another hotel. Except none were open. The only one that was had two dead cockroaches in the room. There was no way I was sleeping there. Eventually we found a 5 star hotel (not within budget) which had a room. The three of us bundled in. I got to watch James Bond on a tv - luxury!

The next morning we woke at 6am in order to head back to the monastery before they finished collecting the alms. Tired, massively out of pocket and feeling very guilty we headed back. Oddly enough this time we weren't laughing and convinced it was bad karma!