Visiting an Indian Family part 2

It wasn't until I arrived at Vinod's house that it dawned on me I was actually going to stay the night and what the experience might entail. I'd forgotten all the little things which make for a full and exhausting experience when visiting an Indian family home. Like being talked about in another language, being watched as you get up and walk somewhere, being asked where you're going even when you're going to the loo....basically any movement you make, anything you say, any expression you give is noted and commented on. Usually through laughter.

Now I'm used to people laughing at me - usually for the wrong reasons. In fact I think I probably humiliate myself on a daily basis so I've learnt to live with people rolling their eyes, chuckling or roaring (okay, so maybe that's a slight exaggeration) with laughter at something I've either said or done. Or so I thought....

As soon as I arrived I knew I was in for a strict scrutiny from his parents and brother. Generally Indians don't hold back - especially about how you look. If they think you're hair looks a mess, clothes are wrong, you've put on or lost weight, skin looks good - whatever their opinion rest assured you'll be the first to know. I've drawn breath in horror at some of the 'frank' comments I've over heard or worse still, been directed at me. Thankfully though the verdict was positive; I'd lost weight, I was in danger of being too thin if I lost more (culturally there's also a tendency to exaggerate), my hair looked 'better, much better' longer and I looked younger. Phew!

After been given the okay by the family - and I must admit I was definitely walking a little taller afterwards - evidently I was deemed suitable for public display and was taken immediately to see the rest of the family. That's right, grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts, cousin brothers, sister cousins (I'm still confused at to what exactly the difference is between a cousin and a sister cousin) were all ready and waiting for my arrival.

Before I knew it I was sitting center stage on a plastic chair at the grandparents home. I was literally sitting in the middle of the room as his grandmother, grandfather, uncle, uncle's wife, cousins and so on looked at me (chuckling) and talking Malayalam (mother language for Kerala) to each other.

It was as this point that I truly experienced what it was really like to be laughed at - I decided to break up the hilarity by speaking to them....in Malayalam of course. And no sooner as I'd uttered the words 'namaste' they were virtually doubled up with laughter. Undeterred I continued with my pigeon Malayalam but they laughed all the more.

So there I was sitting pretty in my new outfit and everything trying to re balance their opinion of me after last time (where I got drunk) and they just stood there laughing at me. And there was me thinking I'd made progress. Seriously, you'd have thought they were watching a stand up comedian. And while I do like to tell myself I have a good sense of humour even I know 'how are you' isn't a side splitter...

Feeling slightly deflated I headed back to Vinod's for dinner. The food as always was fabulous but I noticed his mum ate after we (me, Vinod, his father and brother) did - I wondered how well that would go down in my family ie not very.

So feeling pretty thankful I didn't have to rely on my fathers generosity when it came to his leftovers to survive (sorry Dad!) I started to think about what we'd do for the rest of evening. By this stage I was feeling pretty tired. Not through lack of sleep but the constant attention and lack of personal space. I mean don't get me wrong I was having a good time but a different kind of good time.

Everything I said, every move I made was noted. We were all sitting in one room, right on top of each other; me and Vinod sitting at one end of the bed, his brother at the other, his parents sitting on chairs besides us. No space at all. Then when I wanted to get up to go to the loo instantly there's a 'where are you going?'. I was feeling really self conscious cause frankly I like to take a waz quietly, without any fuss. It's something I like to do ON MY OWN. But no that wasn't the case. I was in India after all and one thing I've learnt is to just go with whatever is happening. Don't try to control the situation.

So there I was trying not to be noticed in a room full of people. Just as I was about to arrive at the back door to go to the loo, I realised it was barricaded up. His dad took barricade (okay so two planks of wood) down and I, still embarrassed cause the entire family knew nature was calling, rushed out to the loo. As I opened the loo door I was thinking 'ahhh at last a moments peace'....when there standing right in front of me were two goats starring back at me. They were the family goats and had to be kept indoors during the evening. So there I was, taking a waz, while two goats looked on...I couldn't even take a piss without being watched!!

Bemused as the hilarity of it all and relieved at the fact I didn't suffer from stage fright when it really mattered - I went back in to the sitting room and squeezed in between Vinod and his brother and settled down to watch a Bollywood film. Aha, now this I can relate to - sitting in front of the telly. Bliss.

It was during the film that I started to wonder where I was going to sleep - I asked Vinod - he laughed 'in here'....so two hours later there I was getting ready for bed. I didn't even bother with changing - nor did anyone else - the rigmarole of it all was too much. Then it occurred to me that there was only one bed - again I asked myself and Vinod: 'where was I going to get my beauty sleep'. Well, the only bed was assigned to me. I couldn't believe it - no matter how much I protested his parents were insistent. The only bed in the house had my name on it. So while his mum slept on the floor (Vinod tried to consol me with the fact she used to sleep on sand in their old 'house' 'so the concrete floor with a matt was much better'...no, I couldn't quite grasp the concept either...) I slept in the same room on the bed. Vinod, his father and brother slept on the floor in the hall way. Can you believe it - his parents gave up their own bed for me!

The following morning I opened my eyes to his mum and dad both staring at me - they had been watching me sleep....ironically I only hoped my audience wasn't due to the fact I'd been sleep talking...

Visiting an Indian Family Part 1

I met Vinod while I was in Varkala last year - he was working in Cliff Manor where I was stayed for a few weeks. He's like a little brother and he kindly invited me to met his family last year - fyi it's a huge compliment to be invited to an Indian family home don't you know....

At the time I did my bit to improve relations between Britain and India by getting pissed on coconut toddy (deadly stuff) with his dad, smoking untold amounts of fags (Keralan woman never smoke so it was right up there in the inappropriate behaviour category), while trying to contain my laughter as his father did a very good mock-moshing impression to the Prodigy's 'smack my bitch up' which blasted from the stereo. I then passed out on the bed. Classy.

My days of generally humiliating myself (while under the influence at least) are thankfully well and truly over. So when Vinod invited me to stay overnight at his house, I was determined to make a more respectable impression second time round. Naturally this first involved buying a new outfit so if I did stumble on the unfamiliar path of respectability, I would at least look semi decent in doing so.

First stop to Suka's shop to purchase the necessities. Mindful of my historic tendency to fully embrace the traveler look I gave her a strict brief i.e. nothing florescent, or featuring any Hindu god, or slogan led or too ethnic looking and absolutely no Ali Babba trousers. She looked puzzled but I think she could sense the severity in my tone of voice and stuck firmly to brief. I settled on a beautiful silk skirt, tee and sandals. Simple but effective - I hoped. And more importantly I didn't look like I'd just left a rave on Anjuna beach.

Vinod lives in a fishing village on the out skirts of Alleppey. His father and brother are both fishermen and life is tough for the family. They have very little money and I don't mean in the sense of not being able to afford to go on holiday, buy a new car, go clothes shopping or debate on whether to cut back on the number of take away's they order each week. I mean they properly struggle. Their life style is beyond basic by anyone's standards and I'll be honest I really didn't anticipate the experience I would have. It was a huge reality check for me and at the same time it was really touching, rewarding and heartfelt. An unexpected combination.

The family home is built with breeze blocks and the roof is made of corrugated iron. There are two rooms - a kitchen which is about 8ft by 4 ft and has a tiny two ringed gas stove and a sink. The bedroom/sitting room is roughly the same size with a small double bed and the large TV is the focal point of the room. The small hallway, which separates the two main rooms, is adorned with pictures and mini statues of Jesus. In fact it's like a shrine to Catholicism with the bible laid open on a make shift altar. Even the light switch is surrounded by an image of the Pope. 

Naturally I have to comment about the loo situ. You have to walk through the kitchen so the door itself is outside - it's Western style and it's spotless but it doesn't flush so you have to pour a few buckets of water to move anything down the system. You can wash in there too but there isn't a shower as such so it's totally traditionally ie pouring water over yourself from a bucket.

I knew all of this before I arrived so going back wasn't a surprise in terms of the layout, their lifestyle and so on. What I hadn't bargained for was just how much I was going to get a real taste of Indian family life. I'd heard on many occasions how you're never alone in India, rolled my eyes when I was queuing for a train ticket and had zero personal space as I was pushed up against the person in front of me. I never truly understood the meaning of never being alone in India. Nor did I have an understanding of how the tiniest cultural difference which didn't seem like much on paper but was monumental when I experienced it for myself.

I have more baggage than I thought....

A realisation is a funny thing - it can be satisfying, thought provoking or sometimes really irritating. I've had a few realisations about myself since I have' been in India and this one I'm not particularly pleased about.

I decided to take my Reiki Masters course while I was in Varkala - yes, I've been studying. It may come as a shock but it's true - I am not just sunning myself on the beach or chatting with friends - although I must admit that does take up a significant amount of my time. No, I've been learning a new skill, adding another string to my bow, stretching my mind, which is all rather well and good except I didn't bank on uncovering yet another realisation about myself.

You see I was under the impression that I'd learnt enough last time I went away. Indeed it would even appear my 'discovery journey' continued when I returned to the UK.  It's pretty tiring all this 'looking inwards' especially when what you see isn't quite what you'd been telling yourself.

I'll give you an example: I can't drink, it leads to a a whole host of nonsense (mainly in my head) which I've decided I can no longer deal with. That's one realisation. Another is that no matter how many pairs I try on Gold Ray Band Aviator sun glasses do not suit me. I'm gutted. Mainly cause this realisation shocked me so much I had to purchase a pair of Oliver Peoples sunglasses at triple my original budget. Realisations can be expensive lessons. My realisation about the baggage in my life causes me extra expense too.

Take my rucksack for example. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to pack the thing correctly without it feeling like I have a dead person on my back. I even left what looked like half a ton of clothes, toiletries and books at my friend Joanne's house when I left Varkala for Patnem. Still didn't make a difference - on arrival in Goa I waddled off the train and rather than take a bus the weight of my rucksack meant I had to take a taxi. When I arrived in Patnem, the sun beating down on my weary forehead and the weight of what now seemed like several dead people on my back, I had no choice but check in to a 'luxury' hut rather than walk up and down the beach searching for a cheaper option.

It appears the excess baggage in my life doesn't just apply to my rucksack. No. You see part of my Reiki is essentially about energy. Universal Life Energy. The energy is used for healing all sorts of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual disabilities. Emotions are energy too so if you have an unprocessed emotion which many of us do, the energy stays in your body.The location of the toxic energy is determined by the type of emotion. So grief and anger can result in problems with the shoulders, resentment and bitterness affects the lungs, judgement and criticism affects the teeth and gums and the list goes on.

All rather fascinating indeed but naturally when one is learning you look to yourself to determine what aliments you have which may need attention. My hips have always been stiff. They are the bain of my yoga practice - stiff hips. I have to work on them on a daily basis and it's pretty painful. So you can imagine my horror when I discovered the reason for my stiffness. My ex boyfriends.

Yep, it would appear that you hold your past relationships in your hip area. It explains a lot. Previous boyfriends have mostly been undesirables now it appears I have all of them in my hips. I've been spending the last week trying to 'remove' Gary, Kevin, Warren, Nick and those are just the relationships. God only knows how many other flings/dalliances/mistakes I have tucked up in there.

So you see I have more baggage than I originally thought.