The end of the course

There were many things about the course which surprised me; the strict timetable, the fact we had to ask for a pass to leave the premises, the number of lovely people on my course, the fact a role call number was called out at random during Satsang (blimmin Satsang) so that person had to lead a chant (nerve racking - thankfully I escaped selection) but nothing surprised me more than the behaviour of some of the teachers at the end of the course. Two in particular, Mani (Director of Yoga) and Sri Nagarajji (lecturer in Bhagavad Gita).

At school  there were always certain teachers who struck a cord with the students. Mani and Sri Nagarajji were clearly the two favourites. Mani because he seemed to get the mood of all us and aside from the fact his yoga classes were utterly amazing; in terms of developing our flexibility but also challenging us in standard and advanced asanas but in judging the mood of the 'people' he always managed to have a story up his sleeve which would totally sum up how we were feeling and cheer us up at the same time. 

At the end of our last asana class he prostrated in front of us. Apologised if he or anyone else had done anything to offend us during our time at the ashram but explained they were trying to teach us how their masters (Swami Sivananda and Swami Vishnu Devananda) taught them but they are human and not perfect so naturally can make mistakes. People were crying - it was pretty moving.  

Sri Nagarajji was just a whole bunch of cuteness. He was in his 80's, very active, wore little round rimmed glasses and was about 5.5 - like a little pocked sized chant box - he adored chanting and the Bhagavad Gita scriptures too. He loved to chant them. He was utterly thrilled when we joined in. How could you not when he was so enthusiastic about them. At the end of our last lecture we stood up and gave him a standing ovation - he cried. Like Mani, he apologised if he'd made any mistakes during the course. Again, more tears. A little lesson acceptance there along with how demonstrate complete humility.

It was Sri Nagarajji who gave me my certificate when I PASSED THE COURSE. Yes, I made it. I'm now a qualified yoga teacher. Very pleased with myself especially when I picked up a leaflet advertising yoga classes which read 'trained in the gulakula system (tick), in-depth knowledge of main yoga scripture, Bhagavad Gita (tick) and yoga philosophy (tick), trained at a world famous ashram (tick, tickety, tick). I must admit it felt rather good.

I never, ever thought I'd be a qualified yoga teacher - oh, the irony. I used to snigger at people practicing yoga on the beach - no I do it myself! Hahaaa. If someone had told me before I left for my big trip in July 07 that eighteen months later I would be spending a month in an ashram and come out a qualified yoga teacher I would've pissed my pants laughing, sparked up another fag and downed whatever cocktail I drinking at the time or a vodka tonic out as the mere thought would've made me nervous. When I left the UK for my big trip I had a bottle of vodka under my arm - I returned to the UK nearly a year later not drinking or smoking with a yoga matt! It brings an ironic smirk to my face every time I think about it.

So aside from gaining a qualification, learning how to pronounce Sanskrit (traditional Indian language, with 52 letters in the alphabet so totally different sounds), extensive knowledge about my own behaviour, thought patterns, ego (finally admitted I have one) and becoming more disciplined than I could ever have possibly imagined (I wake up at 530am to meditate and practice yoga before I teach my first class - er, hello?!) I also met some incredible people and made some life long friends. In fact it's not until after a month later, now I'm writing this, that I'm starting to fully appreciate how many ways I benefited from the course.

I was told a number of times the course would change me - I completely under estimated just how much it could and did. A transformation no less? You'll have to see that for yourselves but I certainly feel a whole lot different.

OOoommmmmmmm

(still got my sense of humour though!! LOL)

Hugging a living saint

Amma had been on my radar for quite sometime. Her ashram is situated in Kerala, just outside of Kollam so she's very much viewed as the Guru of the state so I'd heard a lot about her during the times I'd been back and forth to Kerala. I'd met and read about numerous people who'd experienced her legendary hugs, stayed at her ashram and basically followed her tours around the world. As one rather obsessive woman told me ' I live for Amma - she is my everything'. Er...okay. Each to their own and all that but really it was this statement that sparked my inquisitiveness towards Amma. I wanted to know what the fuss what all about. So I started reading about her - a bit of research no less. And what I found out was pretty impressive.

Firstly, she is a reincarnation of the Divine Mother so it doesn't get much bigger than that really. Aside from 'God' I suppose. She has millions of devotees around the world. Not one for being seduced by numbers I was more impressed about the fact she once cured a man with leprosy. She licked his sores - surely the fact she'd even do that makes her worthy of a saintly title regardless of the outcome? She was deemed 'special' from young age - born and breed in a small fishing village in Kerala from the age of seven she would regularly go into a trance and recite chants....for hours at a time. She is renowned for the humanitarian work she does around the world which she tours regularly. Thousands flock to see her. And she's known for her loving hugs. She'll spend up to 8 hrs a day, without a break (so no water, no nature breaks) hugging hundreds of thousands of people who come to see her. No one leaves without a hug which is like being embraced by the Divine Mother herself; healing and powerful. I had to find out for myself.

During the second week of the TTC (teacher training course) Krishna came up to a crowd of us and asked if we wanted to go an see Amma in Trivandrum - 'hell yeah' was my reply. Before I knew it two weeks had flown by and it was decision time. I had two choices - spend the day before the exam at the ashram and revise or go to Trivandrum and see Amma. Surely getting a hug from a living saint would guarantee a pass? How could I be sure though - I needed a sign. So I asked for one.

It just so happened for Satsang that morning I decided to save some time and put on half of what I was going to wear for the day under my uniform. So I had a had put on a white tee under my uniform yellow t-shirt and wore the TTC mandatory white fisherman's trousers. While we were chanting 'Bansuri, bansuri, bansuri' I asked for the sign to tell me whether I should go to see Amma or not. Nothing happened. Satsang finished. Still nothing.

I removed my uniform tee so I was wearing all white and grabbed a cup of chai and started deliberating over my options with Helen. Becc bowled up and asked if I was going to see Amma as I was wearing all white - the same as  her devotees. OMG a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign. It sealed the deal. If I'm getting mistaken for a devotee in the ashram I definitely should be going to see Amma - no question. 

Three cups of chai later and I was sitting on the bus chanting 'Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha'...'whatever happened to Hed Kandi?' yelled Helen clapping and chanting as we bombed along the road - good question - I knew if my friends and family could see me as I chanted and clapped wearing all white they would howl with laughter. To say I was fully embracing the devotee moment would be an understatement!

My Devotee esq get up turned out to be the VIP pass I never knew I had - well, that and the way the words 'OM Namah Sivaya' (mantra of Lord Siva) rolled off my tongue and my hands automatically went into prayer position at the same time. I instinctively did this when asking a real devotee for directions to the loo. She looked at me smiled and pointed me in the direction of the STAFF TOILETS. I wafted up the stairs on a cloud of spirituality to the loos, which in my mind by now were now glistening gold works of art. Again, my expectations were a little high and they were actually stinking squat loos but hey it was certainly better than the public ones.

I floated back on my gleaming, white, heavenly cloud to the crowds - we're talking thousands of Indians, some queuing, some praying all waiting to see Amma who hadn't arrived on stage yet. As I glided through the crowds, who also recognised me as a devotee, I noticed I began smiling at them in a knowing, kind way - least I thought it was. The small, old Indian woman, the cute little children...all received what in my mind was now a smile of pure goodness, light and love as I applauded myself on my patients with the crowd who were pushing into me. Well, that was until a rather small but determined little lady bulldozed past me followed by another 20 memebers of her family and nearly sent me flying and worse still threatening the cleanliness of my now slightly faded white attire. And that's when I came down from my cloud of spirituality with a rather firm bump - when I 'all of a sudden' noticed I was elbowing one of the small little ladies in her side to block her from passing me. Hmmm I could see this whole spirituality thing was going to be a little more harder than I thought...

A few hours later - and a lot more VIP loo stops - Amma arrived on stage so the sounds of wailing women. The atmosphere that was electric. Just being in the presence of someone so good, so enlightened was pretty amazing. Made the hair on my arms stand up. Thankfully the law of retribution had clearly over looked my scrum with a not so defenseless old woman and I received a hug within a few hours. It was a really surreal experience.

As I edged up towards the stage I started to recite my wish - you're 'granted' a wish when she hugs you - eager to ensure I didn't lose this opportunity with the Divine Mother. As I edged closer and closer to the stage I became slightly aware of the shoving and jostling surrounding Amma. You see in my mind I would gracefully wander up to Amma and prostrate in front of her. I'd then slowly get up, walk towards her and fall gently into her loving arms where she would hug me warmly, as she whispered to me words of encouragement and praise while I fully embraced the moment and silently made my wish. She would then release me from her arms and I would float off, a little higher up for the experience, on my cloud of spirituality.

What really happened was I was grabbed by two of her western disciples (majority of them are) who yelled  in my ear 'don't hug her, don't hug her, arms down, arms dooown' so much so that I actually thought for a split second that I'd transcended onto an other level consciousness where the military prevailed. Thankfully that wasn't the case but before I knew where I was the commotion and yelling ceased and I was in Amma's arms. For a second I heard nothing, it was a completely peaceful experience. Bliss. She whispered in my ear  'my darling, my darling, my darling' while I was thinking 'oh my God I'm being hugged by a living saint'....before I had time to even utter the first word of my wish I was yanked (with force I might add) out of Amma's arms.

I was in a daze, I wanted to fully absorb the moment of peace, tranquility and safety I'd felt for a second but no. No, no, no, no, no once again people aren't doing what I want them to do...I was rudely awakened with 'get out the way, get out the way....no, no, no she wants you on the the stage, Amma wants you on the stage - you're on the stage, you're on the stage..' I was back at the army barracks of Amma's disciples. I was overwhelmed at being yelled like I was on some kind of army exercise and also at the fact I'd been selected, by a living saint, to join her on stage. My rightful place surely?!