Hugging a living saint

Amma had been on my radar for quite sometime. Her ashram is situated in Kerala, just outside of Kollam so she's very much viewed as the Guru of the state so I'd heard a lot about her during the times I'd been back and forth to Kerala. I'd met and read about numerous people who'd experienced her legendary hugs, stayed at her ashram and basically followed her tours around the world. As one rather obsessive woman told me ' I live for Amma - she is my everything'. Er...okay. Each to their own and all that but really it was this statement that sparked my inquisitiveness towards Amma. I wanted to know what the fuss what all about. So I started reading about her - a bit of research no less. And what I found out was pretty impressive.

Firstly, she is a reincarnation of the Divine Mother so it doesn't get much bigger than that really. Aside from 'God' I suppose. She has millions of devotees around the world. Not one for being seduced by numbers I was more impressed about the fact she once cured a man with leprosy. She licked his sores - surely the fact she'd even do that makes her worthy of a saintly title regardless of the outcome? She was deemed 'special' from young age - born and breed in a small fishing village in Kerala from the age of seven she would regularly go into a trance and recite chants....for hours at a time. She is renowned for the humanitarian work she does around the world which she tours regularly. Thousands flock to see her. And she's known for her loving hugs. She'll spend up to 8 hrs a day, without a break (so no water, no nature breaks) hugging hundreds of thousands of people who come to see her. No one leaves without a hug which is like being embraced by the Divine Mother herself; healing and powerful. I had to find out for myself.

During the second week of the TTC (teacher training course) Krishna came up to a crowd of us and asked if we wanted to go an see Amma in Trivandrum - 'hell yeah' was my reply. Before I knew it two weeks had flown by and it was decision time. I had two choices - spend the day before the exam at the ashram and revise or go to Trivandrum and see Amma. Surely getting a hug from a living saint would guarantee a pass? How could I be sure though - I needed a sign. So I asked for one.

It just so happened for Satsang that morning I decided to save some time and put on half of what I was going to wear for the day under my uniform. So I had a had put on a white tee under my uniform yellow t-shirt and wore the TTC mandatory white fisherman's trousers. While we were chanting 'Bansuri, bansuri, bansuri' I asked for the sign to tell me whether I should go to see Amma or not. Nothing happened. Satsang finished. Still nothing.

I removed my uniform tee so I was wearing all white and grabbed a cup of chai and started deliberating over my options with Helen. Becc bowled up and asked if I was going to see Amma as I was wearing all white - the same as  her devotees. OMG a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign, a sign. It sealed the deal. If I'm getting mistaken for a devotee in the ashram I definitely should be going to see Amma - no question. 

Three cups of chai later and I was sitting on the bus chanting 'Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha'...'whatever happened to Hed Kandi?' yelled Helen clapping and chanting as we bombed along the road - good question - I knew if my friends and family could see me as I chanted and clapped wearing all white they would howl with laughter. To say I was fully embracing the devotee moment would be an understatement!

My Devotee esq get up turned out to be the VIP pass I never knew I had - well, that and the way the words 'OM Namah Sivaya' (mantra of Lord Siva) rolled off my tongue and my hands automatically went into prayer position at the same time. I instinctively did this when asking a real devotee for directions to the loo. She looked at me smiled and pointed me in the direction of the STAFF TOILETS. I wafted up the stairs on a cloud of spirituality to the loos, which in my mind by now were now glistening gold works of art. Again, my expectations were a little high and they were actually stinking squat loos but hey it was certainly better than the public ones.

I floated back on my gleaming, white, heavenly cloud to the crowds - we're talking thousands of Indians, some queuing, some praying all waiting to see Amma who hadn't arrived on stage yet. As I glided through the crowds, who also recognised me as a devotee, I noticed I began smiling at them in a knowing, kind way - least I thought it was. The small, old Indian woman, the cute little children...all received what in my mind was now a smile of pure goodness, light and love as I applauded myself on my patients with the crowd who were pushing into me. Well, that was until a rather small but determined little lady bulldozed past me followed by another 20 memebers of her family and nearly sent me flying and worse still threatening the cleanliness of my now slightly faded white attire. And that's when I came down from my cloud of spirituality with a rather firm bump - when I 'all of a sudden' noticed I was elbowing one of the small little ladies in her side to block her from passing me. Hmmm I could see this whole spirituality thing was going to be a little more harder than I thought...

A few hours later - and a lot more VIP loo stops - Amma arrived on stage so the sounds of wailing women. The atmosphere that was electric. Just being in the presence of someone so good, so enlightened was pretty amazing. Made the hair on my arms stand up. Thankfully the law of retribution had clearly over looked my scrum with a not so defenseless old woman and I received a hug within a few hours. It was a really surreal experience.

As I edged up towards the stage I started to recite my wish - you're 'granted' a wish when she hugs you - eager to ensure I didn't lose this opportunity with the Divine Mother. As I edged closer and closer to the stage I became slightly aware of the shoving and jostling surrounding Amma. You see in my mind I would gracefully wander up to Amma and prostrate in front of her. I'd then slowly get up, walk towards her and fall gently into her loving arms where she would hug me warmly, as she whispered to me words of encouragement and praise while I fully embraced the moment and silently made my wish. She would then release me from her arms and I would float off, a little higher up for the experience, on my cloud of spirituality.

What really happened was I was grabbed by two of her western disciples (majority of them are) who yelled  in my ear 'don't hug her, don't hug her, arms down, arms dooown' so much so that I actually thought for a split second that I'd transcended onto an other level consciousness where the military prevailed. Thankfully that wasn't the case but before I knew where I was the commotion and yelling ceased and I was in Amma's arms. For a second I heard nothing, it was a completely peaceful experience. Bliss. She whispered in my ear  'my darling, my darling, my darling' while I was thinking 'oh my God I'm being hugged by a living saint'....before I had time to even utter the first word of my wish I was yanked (with force I might add) out of Amma's arms.

I was in a daze, I wanted to fully absorb the moment of peace, tranquility and safety I'd felt for a second but no. No, no, no, no, no once again people aren't doing what I want them to do...I was rudely awakened with 'get out the way, get out the way....no, no, no she wants you on the the stage, Amma wants you on the stage - you're on the stage, you're on the stage..' I was back at the army barracks of Amma's disciples. I was overwhelmed at being yelled like I was on some kind of army exercise and also at the fact I'd been selected, by a living saint, to join her on stage. My rightful place surely?!