The return of the ex

Bumping into an old friend while travelling is one thing, you often hear stories of people bumping into someone they haven't seen since school on a beach in Phi Phi. It happens. Seeing an ex boyf while you're travelling is something you'd rather didn't happen (naturally depending on the circumstances you split). However meeting a guy who's the combination of all your exes rolled into one is frankly quite scary. I had the pleasure of watching in horror as the personalities/characteristics of boyfriends past revealed themselves before me very recently.

I was actually feeling very chilled and still coming down from the sheer high of seeing the birth place of Buddha and being blessed by a Buddhist monk at the temple next to the birth place of Buddha in Lumbini, Nepal a few days earlier . I'd been meditating religiously each morning and completed stage one of my reiki course a week or so earlier while I was Kathmandu. My karma was fully in tact, my aura bright and beautiful and I was completely calm. Nothing toxic had passed my lips for weeks and my carb in take was at an all time low. I'd also had a few 'moments' as I watched the priests paying at the side of the Ganges and had also lit a floating lantern in memory of my grandmother and let it sail down the river. All clear signs that I was firmly on Happiness Highway, heading straight for the city of 'nice things will happen to you'. I was a magnet for all that's good and wholesome. And that included men. Or so I thought.

But that's just it isn't it...soon as you think you've got it sown up along comes something be it a man, boss, clingy female, bank manager to ruin your natural high. In my case it was a man. He was a combination of all my exes. There he was sitting right in front of me at a restaurant in Varanasi. Nice one Neen.

So there he was. Bold as brass. From the UK. From the regions - in this case Reading (warning bells - sorry to anyone from Reading), old but had a 'young outlook' read: immature. Dressed well: read vain, outgoing read: lout, likes to party read: drink/drug problem. Feisty read: short tempered and therefore violent verbal outbursts. Exciting read: mood swings. Family orientated read: still lives with his mum. Diverse career read: can't hold down a job. Financially fluid read: tight arse/crap with money.

Thankfully this time I didn't gladly skip down the road of looserville. Oddly enough in the last couple of months have enabled me to realise the benefits of 'nice men' and thankfully my last boyf meant I had the opportunity to walk on the path of 'nice, well adjusted man' and I've seen the light as they say. Or perhaps I should day boyf light. Maybe not. Anyway.

Mr Reading was everything I found horrifying about my romantic past and more. History can sometimes repeat itself and it's common knowledge one often seeks what one is used to no matter how horrible it was. So for the first couple of housrs I was definitely attracted to him. Then as the hours unfolded I realised that I wasn't flirting with an hilarous guy with a cheeky smile and glint in his eyes. I was actually socialising with all of my exes rolled into one. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It was like my own personal horror film starring me and my love life. The lead character was myself. The evil character - my exes. It was hideous, horrifying but eventually quite cathartic. You see the benefits of seeing all your boyfs rolled into one person is naturally at first quite alarming. Once I got my head round the idea though I realised I was fully equipped as I'd been there, seen it, done it, got the tee, dvd, poster and book. I was armed and ready for battle.

It dawned on me as I sat opposite him gently nursing a vodka as he banged on about himself. I heard all about him, his friends, where he'd been travelling, who he liked, who he didn't. Watched as his mood change from happy and outgoing to slightly agressive and loutish with the more pints he sank. I sat back and watched him skip up to his room a few times during dinner, take over any conversation and watch his eyes glaze over when anyone talked about themselves.

Suddenly I was thinking OH MY GOD ALL OF MY NASTY EXES ARE RIGHT BEFORE ME! GET OUT, EVACUATE, DO NOT ENGAGE FURTHER, ENEMY AHEAD, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER. REMEMBER THE MUSIC SNOB, NSDMCUB, MAD MAN FROM SOUTHAMPTON, THE PHOTOGRAPHER...I won't go on...

It was a like an ephinany. It was probably how Buddha felt when he reached englighenment. How appt and surely good karma of seeing where he was born?!

So I did what any woman would do faced with this situation as she innocently drank a g&t - I got up and left!