Trichy - the hot guide

So there I was wondering around one of the many, many Hindu temples in Trichy when along comes this rather hot guide offering to show me round. Now who am I to pass up an offer of being shown the wonders of yet another Hindu temple by a hot man? Thought about his offer for about 1 second, decided I would be a fool to say no what with me being a culture vulture and all that (ahem). After all he was a welcome change to the 50 plus guides who normally roam the temples!

Three hours later and fully versed in the whys and wherefores of Hindu religion and the history of the temples (although I must admit I was too busy admiring his chiseled cheek bones and to really concentrate on the details), followed by a few chai's (Indian tea - really nice and sweet) and I must admit I was liking the company of my new 'friend'. I can't actually remember his name but that's just mere detail....

Arranged to me the 'hot guide' the following day for dinner. He'd invited to me his home to meet his family - a massive deal in India and seeing as I'm fully embracing the culture (hahahahaha) and generally going with the flow I decided to accept his offer for dinner with the family....

I arrived to see his mother, who is partially deaf, with massive head phones on her head sitting with her face about 2 inches from the TV - turns out her sight isn't too great either - watching an Indian soap. The soaps in India are nothing short of hysterical. Badly filmed and produced and overly dramatic; they look like they've been shot by a 16-year-old media student. The script is pretty basic too - although admittedly I didn't understand what was being said, I did have the invaluable experience of watching a granny beat up 10 men with her walking stick. Very realistic.

So there I was sitting with his mother (well, I was sitting behind her as she was so close to the TV), his brother and little sister watching Indian soap operas....'Okay' I thought to myself. 'I'm just going to go with this one and see what happens.'

The 'hot guide' suggested we head upstairs to the roof terrace. It was rather lovely - skyline view of Trichy under the stars and moon....I'm actually making this sound grander than it actually was - the roof terrace was shared with the other people who lived in the block, there was shite every where and it was pitch black so I kept tripping up when I tried to walk around - not really great for my 'cool, nothing phases me' image but I wasn't about to let that mar my confidence - God forbid.

Anyway, at the ripe old age of 34 (nearly 35 - April 12th, again a gentle reminder to you all - feel free to give generously to an aging lady)it was only a matter of seconds before I clicked where this one was heading. Or rather where he wanted this to go. To be honest I worked that one out about three seconds after he approached me at the temple but again, who am to knock back the advances of a 'hot guide'. I'm no fool God dammit. And besides he was hot - have I mentioned that already?

The 'hot guide' told me all about his family; his father died when he was 10-years-old so he was taken out of school and started working in tea house. Slightly different to many of the 10-year-olds I know....actually I don't know any but you know what I mean! The fact his father passed so early meant there is a massive amount of pressure on him and his brother to get the dowri together for his sisters weddings. Basically in the Hindu religion/culture if the father passes all responsibility for the household, bills etc goes to the sons. The 'hot guide' has to earn enough money to pay for both his sisters dowries (ranging from 1k plus depending on caste) before he and his brother can get married. A lot of responsibility.

We chatted a bit longer, he kept offering me joints and vodka...I was like 'naaa, you're alright, thanks'. Played the 'I don't drink or smoke' card which shocks everyone and throws them completely off guard as obviously ALL English people drink and smoke...'not this one darlin!'.

Had dinner with his family, went back up stairs for more fags and by this time he was steaming. I mean really drunk. Everything about India is extreme, nothing is in half measures - be it the smells, the intensity, everything comes at you at one hundred miles an hour so it's no great surprise many Indians reflect this in their character. So there are no half measures (like the pun!) when it comes to drinking. The Indian men I've met drink like it's going out of fashion. I found his slurring and swaying pretty amusing but then he invited me to stay at his house. 'Whaaaaaaat? Stay at the family home - are you kidding me? I'd rather stab my own hand'...obviously didn't mention the fact I'd rather self harm than stay there. Decided it was my cue to leave. Hot footed it out of there like I was competing for the Olympics 100 metres race. Fast.