'You will cry' words of warning from Mani, the Yoga Director who every female (and probably male) student lusted over at least once during Asana practice, 'expect it but when it happens don't be embarrassed, let it out - it's important you release whatever comes up for you as and when it does...you probably won't even know why you're crying'. So on one level I was prepared. Tears I can handle. Tears are toxic so I know when I'm crying it's actually doing me some good. It's therapeutic after all. Detoxing from coffee, screaming headaches and profile changing boils on my face is however, something else.
First the headaches, then came the vile mood swings and then finally - the cherry on the cake - boils. Dirty, big red ones. I tried everything under the sun to hide my new friends. And believe me when I say I have enough beauty products on me to supply the beauty dept of Harvey Nics. A variety of products were tried, tested and sadly failed - heat being a major factor...no one likes a sweaty (sorry, glowing) face at the best of times let alone when it's dripping with concealer. So I had no choice but to go with it - in true yogi spirit I had to detach. But it was hard. I was in a foul mood which I couldn't openly share with anyone so early on in the course for fear of being a social leaper. And I was sporting spots which looked like my family had pitched up on my face. People were actually focusing in on them when they spoke to me. Not a good look.
Anyway, after a week or so the headaches had ceased, I was back to my sunny, bright self and my teenage spots disappeared - I seemed to have turned a corner on the detox front...or so I thought.
It was really strange when it happened. And I'd been warned. I people had spoken about it, I'd consoled various friends sobbing uncontrollably after lectures and asana classes so I knew it was only a matter of time before the same happened to me.
And so in week two it began....
I knew something was wrong when I started crying, during morning Satsang, when the Japanese students were reciting the Universal prayer in Japanese. At first I put it down to being tired. But then it happened the day after when the Russians where half way through the prayer and again the day after when the French were reciting it. Conversations with various friends ensued and all confirmed my fears - it's on it's way. The cleanse, the release whatever you want to call it.
So I waited....
The following morning tears started rolling down my face during meditation. So I knew by this stage it was imminent....
Then it happened later that same day - tears started rolling down my face during my Bhagavad Gita (main text in Hindu philosophy) lecture when Sri Nagaragi (probably the cutest man on earth) quietly said 'I vont' give up' when hardly anyone joined in with him as he chanted one of the verses from the text he loved so much. And then it came. Like a Tsunami. Later on that same afternoon, during my afternoon Asana class and right after I'd finished my headstand. A huge surge of sadness and then tears started streaming down my face.
It's happened before - after a session with a spiritual doctor in Bali last year - so I knew what to expect in a way. That said I think having gone through it a second time doesn't necessarily make it any easier - I just knew it was good for me. It's strange feeling so sad but not knowing why. And it's even more unusual to have hot tears uncontrollably streaming down my face and not knowing why. And at the time all I kept thinking was to push out as much as I can, let go of as much as I could cause if I didn't I'd only have to deal with it later.
After a few hours I stopped crying and felt better - lighter.
The following day my practice was the best it's ever been - held all 12 asana's for a record amount of time, was more flexible and someone said Iooked better so something must have shifted. Phew. That's the end of that then....
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