This is my fourth time in Bangers and I finally get it. Now appreciate the city for what it is and I'm loving it. Before I couldn't stand the place. Well, that's a bit harsh but I just couldn't be arsed with the hassle. The endless nagging from tuk tuk drivers who tell you they'll show you the sights for 20 Bhat, drag you into various shopping emoriums and if you don't buy anything, leave you stranded at a tourist landmark and tell the other tuk tuk drivers not to take you anywhere. Please note when in Bangers never, ever take a tuk tuk. Taxis (ensure they put their meter on) cost the same, if not cheaper and don't dick you about. However it's been six months since my last visit of Bangers and it's only now that I fully appreciate all that sin city has to offer.
Admittedly Bangers is the mecca for all sexual deviants. And I mean deviants in the strongest term. Walking along the Khao San Road you see social leapers all here to act out their, no doubt, highly illegal sexual fantasies. You can spot them a mile off. They just don't look right; usually sporting long finger nails..... However perverts aside, the atmosphere in Bangers is electric and I've never really noticed it during my previous visits - I was too busy being disgusted with 60 year old men walking down the street feeling up 15 year old Thail girls.
The shopping is great too - I'm loving my Diesel jeans, the food (I'm currently mainling spicy tuna glass noodle salad like it's going out of fashion) and there are some great sights. Again, I'm refering to the vast number of Wats and meditation on offer - for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know I love a Wat, I love a Monk and I love to meditate.
Talking of Monks I was 'had' by a Monk the other day. No! Not in that way - my mind drifts back to when I was traumatised during a monk chat at at Wat in Chiang Mai when the Monk I was chatting to asked me out on a date. No, this was a FAKE monk. Only Bangers can offer faux monks who ask for money. I knew he was a faker by his shoes but handed him some money anyway. And looked him straight in the eye as I did so - cheeky git looked right back too!
Anyway, Bangers gave me the chance to do two things which I love: scouring the shops and updating my Categories List. More on shopping later - I want to talk about my pride and joy: The Categories List.
This has been in existence since I arrived in Thailand last year. It's four defined categories which outline the types of men you see with Thai ladies. It has been checked with various travellers around the globe - men and women, young and old. I've refined it many times and have now had the opportunity to fine tune it again. I think you'll agree, it's a master piece. I've now introduced a new element - primary and secondary options as sometimes one category just isn't enough ie divorcee/sexual deviant, divorcee/looking for love, Loner (read: can't pull in his own country)/sexual deviant. You get the picture.
So here they are again - some of you will remember the Categories List from last year - fine tuned for your enjoyment:
Category 1: the divorcee:
A personal favorite of mine in terms of value - they get really uncomfortable if you stare at them which of course I love to do...if nothing else I'm puzzled as to why they think combing over two strands of hair hides their bald head.
This species is easily identifyable, usually with dyed auburn coloured hair to hide the grey hair when introduced to the woman's village family. 8 out of 10 sport a comb over 'hair style' which usual amounts to two or three strands of hair, geled and combed over the skull. Hides a multitude of sins don't you know!!
Normally dressed from head to toe in one colour (either light blue of beige), usually cotton short sleeved shirt and trousers with alarming footwear. Being a shoe lover, the footwear bothers me the most. It can range from black or brown leather slip-ons or sandals....with matching socks.
The divorcee is tired of women from his country and/or 20 years younger than him. He thinks women within this age range expect to much, they are too opinionated. Frankly too much like hard work. He's after someone who's attractive, who will look after him, won't question his tactics and sexula prowness (assuming he has any) in bed and generally will agree with what he says...this is mainly due to the language barrier as she can't really understand what he's saying or if she does, she doesn't have the vocab to reply!
The bonus for the South East Western woman is that he offers a nice lifestyle and she doesn't have to engage in too much conversation. A simple nod or yes will suffice.
Category 2: In love:
Young or old it can happen to anyone if you're lucky. You can spot it a mile off and it's lovely to see.
Category 3: The Loner:
This guy rarely pulls women in his home town. He needs to go abroad and pay for it to get a look in with a pretty girl. He's in awe of his mates who get to go home with attractive women so naturally enjoys the kudos of 'pulling' a good looking girl abroad.
The girl usually look a bit pained or bored as they listen to him waffle on about himself. The Loaner usually wears a logo tee with light faded jeans and trainer. He tends to walk the streets hand in hand with said woman with a massive grin on his face. Fair enough!
Category 4: The Sexual Deviant:
Basically a bit of sex pest. No age or looks category here - men who fall into this category are out to satisfy as many of the sexual perverse fantasies as possible. Have been known to get quite violent. Tend to treat the woman with contempt or on the flip side are just thankful someone has finally allowed them to act out their greatest and potentially sickest fantasy.
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