Everyday worries - advice from a Monk

It's perfectly normal to dare to dream of a worry free life. I know I originally thought that if I went traveling I wouldn't have any worries. Of course I was wrong. I've transferred my disdain for my job towards my rucksack. I now worry more about where I'm heading, what I'm going to do in the future, the fact I'm 34 and haven't 'settled' down even though I've yet to meet a guy I'd like to settle down with. I also worry about the fact that I'm not worried enough about the settling down thing so do you know what? I worry about that too!!

We all have our worries. Someone once said to me if another person gave me their worries I'd soon want my own back. It's true. I only have to listen to people on the street to appreciate my own worries!!

Worrying has been a constant topic of conversation with many of my close friends. We talk about what concerns us, the fact we always worry about it. Then we give each other the same advice. My friend's husband always laughs at the fact we give each other the same advice each time then the following week later we're talking about the same problems again - worrying that is - like it's new topic of conversation!!

Worrying has been worrying me (sorry, couldn't resist!) for quite sometime so when I attended a monk chat session at Wat Suan Dok in Chiang Mai I had to ask the monk I was speaking to about worrying. He was only too happy to offer his perspective and he talked to me in great detail about our worries and how to over come them.

It's simple (isn't it always in theory!). Basically you have to accept that life is about worrying. It's about suffering. That's life. Live with it. Once you accept the fact that worries are part of the deal (and sadly no, you don't get your money back on this part) you'll be in a much better position to deal logically with situations as and when they occur.

I told the monk about how I lay awake at night (as so many of us do) worrying about things that haven't even happened. He smiled at me and said the main problem humans face is that were constantly worrying about the future - we're never present. So basically we're constantly chasing our tales. You know what it's like. I know I do it all the time. I call them the 'if only' thoughts. If only I earnt more I'd have no more worries, if only I was to get that promotion, stop working with that person, buy the new Mui Mui sandals...the list is endless. Of course by the time you achieve your goals be it a new house, sofa, car - whatever, you're already on to the next one. So essentially we're never content with what we have. Therefore we're constantly dissatisfied.

Naturally we should have our goals. We all need something to strive towards but at the same time we shouldn't overlook or discard what we have today. Fair enough but it's hard to maintain that when you're up to your earrings at work, the credit card bill has just come threw the door a pair of Manolo's yell at you every time you walk past the shop window or flick through a copy of Vogue! When I said this to the monk he smiled again - he looked slightly puzzled when I mentioned the Manolo's though! To this he basically commented that we need to be 'mindful'. I later learnt at the meditation retreat that meditating was the key to being 'mindful'. It enables you to focus your mind. Keeps out the clutter. And it's really relaxing.

So should everyone practice meditation - in a word yes. That's not always possible or appealing to everyone. I suppose the best thing is to try and keep things in perspective. Focus on today, tomorrow will sort itself out. And it always does. Things have a habit of working out for the best. Whether we realise it immediately or 6 months down the line. We know that and we still worry. That's life. Worrying is life.

The monk told me to stop worrying about worrying. Focus on the here and now. Meditate and stay 'mindful'. Don't lose sight of what you want but equally don't let it rule your thoughts. Appreciate what you have around you. He also said that we have to accept the reality. Stop kidding ourselves. So if someone wrongs you no matter what it is i.e. infidelity, dishonesty...the list is endless. Talk to them about it. Try to understand from them why they did it. It maybe you decide their reasons don't suit you. That's the reality. Then you have to face up to that and decide how you want to deal with it.

Simple really!