Ripping off the band aid

When I was 'poked' on facebook by three of my ex boyfriends, I knew my decision to go travelling was definately the right one. I also had a feeling getting away from it all would give me the opportunity to really clear my head.

My love life has been....well let's just say colourful and leave it at that - some may even say eventful. Some of the characters have certainly provided much entertainment, for reasons they probably wouldn't be so proud of, over the years! Classic example is a guy I dared to invite back to my parents house for Boxing Day lunch. He ended up mainlining beer, I suspect trying to prove to my Dad he could hold his booze (he couldn't), and after one hour was slumped over the breakfast room table with a serviette in his hand trying to polish a crome pepper pot. I'm reminded of that little experince each Christmas!!

Rather unexpectedly the last couple of months have given me the chance to review the various characters I've had the pleasure of meeting over the years. Some good, some not so good, some I would cross the road to avoid. It got me thinking about how many situations I've stayed in (with guys) mainly because it's easier to stay and/or I've been in a bubble - although I've known their wholey, in fact massively wrong for me, I've carried on regardless.

Similar situation cropped up just before I left. The guy in questions was, on many levels great in my opinion. In fact I'd even go so far as to say he's the only guy I've ever really gelled with to date. Only draw back? There were many. Different point of reference, his lack of drive, pretty weak willed...just things that when you added them up it meant it could never work.

I knew this from day one but figuted that there was no harm in continuing the relationship as I was leaving. I had a 'get out of jail' card.

The thing is the more time you spend with someone inevitably the more attached you become. Before I knew it I was fully embroiled in his 'problems' of which there were many. I was of course happy to help but there comes a time when you have to just walk away. People have to help themselves and besides there's only so much you can do at the end of the day. I was completely there for him but it wasn't reciprocated. I knew this the whole time. Why did I stay? It was comfortable, easy, my friends were coupled up, we'd grown really close and it was someone to look forward to seeing after another crap day in a job which depressed me.

Leaving was hard and his reaction was surprising. It was very emotional. But I knew I had to go and above all I wanted to. There was no way I was staying though and I knew that with distance and perspective I would think differently. I wouldn't be constantly pulled back into the situation. It's hard to say no sometimes and I think if I'm honest this has been the case with many of guys I've spent time with. They were okay but to be honest witha a lot of them, I was passing time. I figured that it wasn't quite right but it was okay for the moment. Then I got attached.

Anyway, I'm a firm believer that actions speak much louder than words. So after all the talk 'I'll do this, do that' blah, I've had a few pissed up calls and one email. I'm not surprised. I'm actually relieved. It confirmed what I'd always thought. I'm just glad I took myself out of the situation, got some perspective.

So when he last called and spoke about himself for the first 10 minutes before asking me how I was I didn't hesitate to pretend it was a bad line and end the call. So when I arrived back in Thailand, having been in Cambodia for a month and met a lovely bloke in that time, and switched on my phone only to receive a text message from him I didn't respond. I just smiled and deleted the message, along with his number.

Incidentally I deleted all the pokes long before - some band aids are much easier to rip off than others!!