My first feature....

Many of you know I'm trying to carve a new career for myself in writing so I thought I'd add my first feature onto the site - it's been pitched to papers etc at the mo and naturally I'll keep you posted on any developements. Wish me luck!

A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER...FINALLY!

Usually the month of January sends me into a near state of depression - the “life has to change in someway’ notion constantly dominating my thoughts. Only this year it’s different. I’m not battling to get on a tube in the morning, I’m not groaning as I drag myself out of bed to try and prepare myself for yet another uninspiring day in the office, I’m not contemplating ‘sticking’ at a relationship with a man with more issues than Parliament and I’m not boozing away my weekends. You see a year ago I made a massive decision. To go traveling…alone.

Working stupid hours chained to my desk in the ‘giddy’ world of Beauty PR, the relentless pressure of 'figures this, figures that', the constant barrage of either unachievable or frankly bonkers requests from clients ranging from ‘can you see if Kylie Minogue will perform at the party for 10k!’ and ‘your target is to get a hasbin hairdresser on the front cover of Vogue’ - sadly I'm not kidding – had taken its toll.

Not only was I working ridiculous hours, my social life was beyond hectic. Perhaps it was a text book situation. I literally felt like stabbing my own hand every time I walked into the soulless office, so I partied hard all weekend to forget about it. Friday night usually finished on Sunday morning. I was getting bored, mainly of myself.

And with the nights out came the 'flighty' men. So relationship wise the garden was looking anything but rosy. All of my friends - and I mean ALL of them - were coupled up. Each weekend I had four choices; going out with my hedonistic mates, a quiet dinner playing gooseberry with a couple, a night out with Mr ‘I’m not ready for any kind of relationship even with myself’ or baby sitting. I was stuck in a rut and didn't know how to get out of it.

A friend suggested I speak to a Life Coach. I instinctively went to scoff at the idea but as my situation wasn't about to change and I didn't have any other ideas - aside from another night out - I decided to give it a go. Three sessions later and thanks to the wonderful guidance of Meena Heath I had a 'get out of jail' plan. I was going travelling. And I was going on my own.

My decision to head off into the big unknown caused varied reactions. My clients’ jaw literally fell to the floor when I told her - but then we are talking about a woman who’s unable to walk 50 yards without insisting her PR agency organises a 7 series Mercedes to drive the 'distance' in case her Jimmy Choos get damaged.

Having said that the general response to my decision was actually really positive. Most told me how brave I was and how they'd love to have the 'guts' to do the same. I didn't see it as bravery as such. As far as I was concerned I didn't really have a choice. Well not any that I liked. I could either stay in a job I found totally uninspiring, in a relationship going now where, surrounded by Papa and Mama gift vouchers and/or wedding invitations and being miserable - or go travelling, give the unexpected a chance just maybe have a fantastic time.

I'd decided to keep my options open - I knew which countries I wanted to see: Tibet, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Nepal and India and then head down to Oz. It was a lose plan at least. The last thing I wanted to do was start with a ridged itinerary. I was fed up with planning my life and really wanted the chance to see where the wind would take me.

I'm now six months into my travels and I have to pinch myself most days to check I’m not dreaming. When I think back to how I was feeling this time last year I actually think of a different person. I’m actually happy and content. Two things I hadn’t felt for many, many years.

When I wake up the sun is shining, the weather is warm, I’m not battling to get anywhere, I have the time to actually have conversations with people and not just the one’s I know, strangers also get a look in these days! I’m experiencing situations I never thought I’d find myself in. This time last year evenings out consisted of various dinners and bars at places like J Sheekey’s and Amika, now I’m eating food with my right hand with locals outside a food stall. It’s a leveler to say the least.

I've seen the very best and worst of countries and people which has totally broadened my horizons. Poverty which brings tears to your eyes, kindness of people who have so little but still offer you a piece of fruit, strangers who help you when you least expect it and when you most need it. I've laughed with people from all different walks of life, I've seen the Dalai Lama teach, experience near death with a Cobra in the jungle, saved my friend from falling down a ravine (well, it was actually the vine wedge in between her legs that saved her but I like to think I helped from a directional perspective).

I've avoided being recruited for a tantric sex workshop (the thought of trying to orgasm in front of an audience oddly enough didn't appeal), drank Chai with Indian woman who barely spoke English but insisted I sit with her every day, mediated with a Buddhist monk in one of the oldest monasteries in Tibet, survived hair raising bus journeys, met some fantastic people who've become firm friends. Every opinion I've ever had has been totally challenged. The list of unimaginable situations I've encountered has totally blown me away and I'm doing things I'd never, ever thought I'd do.

There have been a few hairy moments though. Mainly in the fashion dept. It's frightening how if you see an item enough times you start to like it. I was in northern India, it was freezing when I found myself eyeing up a rather hideous Yak wool florescent orange hooded top. I actually asked how much it cost, realised what I was doing and promptly took myself back to my room to bang my head repeatedly with an old copy of Vogue which I always carry with me in case of emergencies!

Travelling has given me the head space to work out what I really want from life; it may sound clichéd but it's true. The one thing I've noticed is my cynicism which was very much apparent (to everyone) has completely disappeared. It's actually quite refreshing not to think everyone you come across is trying to rip you off. Maybe its 12 years living in London which does it to you but when you travel on your own (and I've not been 'alone' for more than two days) you have to put your trust people and really rely on your instincts. I've met so many kind people (refreshingly there are so many out there) it's like a breath of fresh air.

So I'm no longer running around at 100 mph, I've lost weight, given up smoking and barely drink anymore. I've been able to fully indulge in everything I've ever wanted to i.e. yoga, meditation and find out how other cultures live and it's fascinating. The blue print of how I thought my future would look has completely changed. And I like it.

I'm not saying travelling is the solution for everyone who's fed up with the mundane. But what I am saying is if you do have the urge to head off into the unknown but you're still a bit unsure and worried about travelling on your own, book your ticket and start saving. You won't regret it. I've yet to meet anyone who has. And besides if you don't like it you can always come back.

Meeting the parents

To be invited to someones house for lunch to meet the family is a pretty big deal in India. Especially if you're a not Indian. In fact it's considered to be a huge compliment and something not to be taken lightly. So when my friend Vinod invited me to Alleppy to meet his family I was flattered and also a little nervous.

Firstly I'm hating my clothes at the moment. I've been wearing the same outfits for over 6 months so let's just say my wardrobe and I aren't on speaking terms. I didn't want to turn up at his house looking like a tramp so I had to buy a new outfit. The trouble is all the clothes in Varkala have either a hideous paisley pattern in various random primary colours or some sort of motif on them - usually an 'OM' or a picture of one of the Hindu Gods. I've always turned my nose up at people who wear 'OM' tees. I used to think there were idiots, try hards with no dress sense. Now I realise this isn't the case at all - the reason is because that's all you can buy.

I have to admit I did smirk when I realised I had very little choice in the clothing dept and purchased a tee with an Hindu God on the front of it. 'That'll teach me' I thought as I ticked another thing off the 'I would never do that' list.

In the end I chose a tee with Genish - the God of overcoming obstacles - as I figured I needed a little assistance in this area esp if I was meeting parents. Experience has taught me these types of meetings can bring all manner of obstacles to the fore front. Usually the father is cool, relaxed and likes to joke around and the mother sits there with a stern face thinking you're leading their son astray. In my experience they don't need leading but that's another story.

But Vinod is just a friend. That said the general opinion in India is that all western woman are lose and have sex with random strangers where ever and whenever. I've had many a conversation about the fact we don't have sex in bushes during our lunch breaks. Mores the pity (Obviously I don't mention that bit for fear of being stoned to death). Either way I knew way his parents would have an opinion about western women so I didn't want to dress inappropriately or look like I've just been dragged out backwards from a bush.

Outfit brought and approved by several Indians we headed to Alleppy by train. 3 hours later we're having to bribe the police as our friend who picked us up in a car was also using his mobile while driving. In India you don't get fined. Well you do but not as we know it. You have to bribe the police out of the situation. In this case it cost us 100 INR. Not a massive deal but just made me realise how obviously corrupt this massive country is - I'm not saying the UK is any different. It's probably just not in your face as much.

A car, followed by a rickshaw and bus journey later and I'm strolling down a beach strewn with fishing boats on the shore and no one around. Gorgeous white sand, blue sea, coconut trees - perfect.

Vinod's family or rather the men in his family are all fisherman. They have very little money and I mean very little money. The entire day was a huge experience for me and I have to admit extremely humbling. Firstly, these people have what I call 'real' worries. Of course it's all subjective but I think you'll agree worrying about where your next meal is coming from is slightly different to fretting over whether you can afford a holiday this year, a new handbag or a pair of shoes. His immediate family ie mum, dad and brother live in a one bedroom brick house. The roof is made out of corrigated iron. The toilet is outside. They have no running water in the house or sewage system but they do have electricity. In the bedroom where they entertain guests they have a double bed which has a thin mattress, a stereo and a few plastic chairs. It's basic but very clean.

The entire day was spent being introduced to various uncles, aunts, brother cousins, brothers, sister cousins (some cousins are just cousins some are sister or brother cousins depending on how close they are) and of course this mum and dad. I was the official photographer for the day - his extended family don't have a camera and aren't used to having their picture taken so consequently I was asked several hundred times to take pictures of children, uncles, aunts basically the whole family from various different angles. Giggles would fill the room when I showed the pictures to everyone. Some commented about their beards, grey hair - basically there was no vanity in the room - as far as I could tell there were no mirrors in any of the houses/huts. And there's me moaning about not having a full length one in my room. At least I'd be able to tell if I had a little beard growing on my face - one female relation clearly didn't know....or maybe she did but didn't care!

Anyway, after meeting his entire extended family we arrived at his house for lunch. The food looked and was amazing. Fresh fish, rice, dahl (lentils) and vegetables. Fine I thought. I have mastered eating with my right hand (even though I'm left handed). I can handle this. So the food was placed on the bed (no table) and I sat on a plastic chair to eat it. I was already visualising the impressive looks on their faces when they saw how well I could eat with my right hand when I realised everyone sitting there wasn't actually eating. They didn't have any food in front of them, they were there to watch me eat. Oh the pressure.

I tried to delicately manipulate a small amount of food into my right hand and pop it in my mouth but my hand started shaking with nerves so I missed my mouth and the rice, fish and dalh dripped down my chin and then slowly plopped onto the front of my tee. Genish clearly wasn't helping me overcome this obstacle! The whole family laughed at me (great) and handed me a spoon. My recovery time from this little situ was quite interesting. I think I managed it fairly successfully by agreeing to drink Toddie (strong alcoholic coconut drink) with his father and uncles!

Agreeing to drink the Toddie and admitting that I smoked definitely won me some points. I was told by his father - who spoke perfect English which is unusual as he's a fisherman - that women in Kerala don't drink or smoke. 'well women in the UK do' I smiled and winked at him. With that he laughed and handed me the Toddie - full to the brim.

So I was something of a novelty. The thing is the Toddie was strong and I hadn't had any breakfast. Plus my dining experience was still very fresh in my mind and I'd lost my appetite when the food slipped down my chin so I hadn't eaten much lunch either. So it wasn't a huge surprise when it dawned on me that after several sips of Toddie I was a bit pissed. Then out came MY family photos. I was on a role. I didn't realise I'd brought my soap box with me but out it came anyway. Vinod's father and I were having big deep and meaningful chats about arranged marriages, how men and woman live together before getting married in the UK, how my father feels about having four daughters (you could tell he genuinely felt sorry for him!) and how Indians in general view western woman (not so great). It was fascinating. He told me about his work as a fisherman; he's away from home or three nights then back for two. He talked about how and where he sells his fish, how much he sells it for and he also showed me his technique or lighting a cig when the wind is up.

Me, Vinod, his mum, dad and brother sat on the bed talking and drinking Toddie and chai all afternoon. It was pretty random though - we were sitting there chatting when Vinod decided to put on some music on. Next thing I know 'smack my bitch up' by the Prodigy was blasting from the speakers and his dad was rocking backwards and forwards to the music. I asked if he liked it - he smiled, carried on bopping to the music and nodded his head. I'm thinking 'the last time I heard this was in Pacha in Ibiza and now I'm sitting in a tiny brick room with an Indian family listening to it'...that's India for you.

I really enjoyed myself. Usually meeting the parents in my experience is formal, mildly painful and stiff. This couldn't have been more different. They were hospitable, made me feel so welcome and were really relaxed. The family were joking and laughing together; you could tell there was a real closeness between them all. And although they have very little money they instisted on feeding me and topping up my glass of todie at every opportunity. And you have to accept everything that's offered otherwise it's considered rude. So in true style and much to their amusment I passed out on the bed - thankfully his mum did too (although she hadn't been drinking, I suspect she was genuinley knackered from cooking a huge lunch). Is dad thought this was hilarious. I was mortified. Thank God I didn't sleep talk or snore. At least I don't think I did. I definately didn't do any permanent damage as they've invited me back again. Better perfect eating with my right hand!

Yoga moves....

I'm back in Varkala, Kerala for the forseeable future - at least untill I get a few features placed - and I'm staying at a brilliant little guesthouse called 'Skyline'. It's perfect, management are fabulous, has a gorgeous, shady garden plus yoga and meditation each day.

The yoga teacher Harri is excellent. He's my kind of yoga teacher as he doesn't bang on all the time about being pure ie not drinking and smoking and really pushes the fact you can do yoga and live your life at the same time. Naturally I've befriended him. He's German and hilarous. Used to be a Buddhist monk, will happily talk to me about the fact he was celibate for over a year and doesn't mind my personal questions about the subject either. Fansinating! I won't go into the details but lets just say my jaw has been hitting the floor on a number of occasions.

I offered to add a bit of blurb on the Lonely Planet website forum. A nice thing to do you think - well, yes it is and frankly the more and more I travel the nicer I'm becoming. Shocker I know. Like you didn't think it could improve already - but it has. I've always had the opinon that in general nice things happen to nice people, you get back what you give blah blah and have to say it's true. Before I could write the peice Harri offered me free yoga lessons for a month. How could I resist? And he's taken me under his wing in the sense that if I don't go he asks why. So I have to go every day otherwise I get a bollocking. And I'm loving it. Who'd have thought it eh? but then the unusual and unpredictable is happening to me on a regular basis so rather than fight it, I'm going with it.

So yoga and mediation are now part of my daily routine. I've never felt better....or so I thought until one particular lesson.

We practice yoga on the roof of Skyline - it's incredable. The view is stunning and I have to admit to a certain smugness when I spend a Monday morning surrounded by coconut trees in a balmy climate, practicing yoga surrounded by the morning sunrays. Even the squarking crows sound hypnotic (and I have a fear of birds!).

So there I was, in the middle of my downward dog position, praising myself for my new found flexability when I felt something on my head. Didn't really pay much attention to it until I heard Harri howl with laughter. I looked up and suddenly noticed something dripping from my head. I looked down again and just infront of me was a 'present' from one of the crows. Yep, you've guessed it - I was shate on from a great hight. Right on my head. Crow crap dripping off my head onto the yoga mat. Harri was laughing, I was nearly crying but still holing my downward dog pose - now that's dedication for you...

What am I up to now?

Good question....after spending New Years Eve in Palolem (Goa) I headed to Hampi for a bit of culture (it was amazing; very chilled, stunning landscape) and then caught the train back to Varkala, Kerala where I'm staying for the foreseeable future.

I've made lots of friends in Varkala from when I was here last year so it's a good base for me to stay for a while so I can focus on getting my writing off the ground. Once I get a few features places I'll head to Tamil Nadu and then Sri Lanka. Obviously the more I place the more I'll travel!

So here I am living the life I've always dreamed about - who would've thought it would be possible? seems it really is! Every Monday morning I have a minutes silence to appreciate the fact I'm a million miles away from my 'old life' and I have to keep pinching myself to check I'm not dreaming. I'm writing/pitching features and my blog as a column to media, practicing yoga/mediation/reiki, sunbathing; every morning I see the sea and it's beautiful - basically loving every single minute of it.

Hopefully my beaming happiness isn't too annoying for you all - it's just rather nice to be happy...I'm sure you understand!!

New chat up lines

I have to tell you about this one - sadly I didn't witness this myself, my friend did but every time I think about it I just howl with laughter...

I'm jumping around a bit in terms of my direction but after Kerala (I stayed about a month and after Dan left I met up with my gorgeous sis, eve and her boyf Matt for Xmas) I flew (again, in true flashpacker style) to Goa for New Years Eve with Evie and Matt). Ended up staying there for 2 weeks. Stayed in Palolem for a week to celebrate NYE (messy - at least I was! plus also involved hundreds of Indian men watching us all dance which was rather amusing!) and the headed to Patnem beach which was much quieter and more chilled. Loved it there - if you go, stay at Cafe Copenhagen - really basic huts, great food, couple who run it are lovely.

After Patnem I caught the overnight death bus with Charlie (my other sis) and her boyf Greg. As I'm not part of a couple - single doom follows you all around the world - I was paired with another woman (thankfully) in a cell like compartment with a mattress (cue the sarongs). Ness was great. Totally on my wave length and not a nutter. I was relieved to say the least esp as for the next 10 hours and due to the erratic Freddie Kruger esq driving standards of the bus driver (thankfully he wasn't drunk - apparently they usually are or on LSD - not sure which is worse!) we would be thrown together at various intervals throughout the evening.

Anyway, I was chatting to Ness about this guy I kept seeing. From Columbia, I'd met him in Kathmandu, McLeod Ganj and now in Palolem. Turns out she'd met him last year. Thought he was totally cute and got chatting to him.

The Colombian (can't remember his name) teaches Tai Chi, is a tarrot card reader so very much a spiritual man. Fine. When he met Ness he asked if she wanted to feel the sea. Naturally she said yes, she closed her eyes, could feels the waves crashing around her (she wasn't drunk, stoned or anything else which is mind altering). So it all felt amazing and so he naturally rose about a million levels on the old 'hottie' radar!

Cut a long story shot the Colombian wanted to to her a favour. Due to her reaction from experiencing the sea he informed her that he wouldn't in fact be sleeping with her because, and get this as it's nothing short of hilarious, she wouldn't be able to handle it. It would be too good, too powerful for her. She wasn't ready. Well, I nearly woke the entire bus up when heard this. I literally screamed with laughter. Of all the chat up lines I've ever heard this has to be the best. 'I would love to sleep with you, but you're not ready - I'm just too good, it would be too powerful an experience for you and you wouldn't be able to handle it'....

I love travelling!

My new job.....

After Rajhastan, I flew (in true flashpack style) down to Cochin in Kerala, Southern India to meet the lovely Dan Pimm in Varkala. Mr Pimm was on a two week hols decided to spend it with me - hurrah! Always love Mr Pimms company so to have his words of wisdom for two WHOLE weeks was def a privalige.

We were both on the same page whe we met up - in terms of what we wanted to do for the next fornight ie nothing!. I was a bit over travelling, in the sense I'd been on the move roughly every three or four days, so to have the chance to settle for a bit and actually put my bits and peices ie makeup, creams etc out was too exciting for words!! Seriously!

We ended up sharing a bamboo hut opposite an internet cafe. Fine you'd think. And it was accept we had no idea the sights we were about to witness in the evening....

Hidayathulla is the owner of Cliff Manor Beach Resort, which was opposite where we were staying, a lawyer (apparently) and the proud owner of the internet cafe across from our hut. In the day time Hidayathulla (or Ali as he now calls himself) was the perfect gent. Polite, always smiling and bit cheeky. Ali is 35 but is slightly challenged in the hair line department. Not much but it's cleary something he's worried about due to the toupe he wears....sometimes.

During the day the toupe was no where to be seen. By night Ali turned into a girating hunter on the prowl for the ladies and so out came the toupe at particular intervals throughout the evening.

In southern india many of the men wear what look like big nappies. They are infact called a lungi. Most of the time the lungi is worn long, so it finishes about mid calf, but when it gets really hot they pull them up so the lungi finishes just above the knee.

After a few whisky's or rum and cokes (the drink of preference in the south) Ali would be leathered. And I mean leathered. He would hoist his lungi so high it skimmed his arse. In fact the more he drank the higher the lungi would go. Then his shirt would come off and he'd walk around grabing his stomach and winking at the ladies.....you can imagine the response he recieved!!

To add insult to injury (if you will) his toupe would make an outing at various intervals throughout the evening. So one minute he's bowl over with the toupe on, nick a cig from me (yep, I'm back on the fags - dan's fault plus there was no way I could be a non smoker whem my sis, eve, arrived for xmas), take a swig of my water (he needed it and as the weeks progressed I actually kept a bottle just for him), grab his stomach, ask me if I thought he was fat and if any of my friends would like to be his girlfriend, girate in front of me for a few mins, while singing an Indian love song and then scurry off to seranade an unassuming woman trying to get into the internet cafe....30 mins later he was back, minus the toupe, but self conciously touching his hairline (awwww) to ask Dan if he could be his lawyer in London as Dan is 'a buisness man, very important'.

So as the night progressed, the more Ali drank, the higher the lungi rose and the more he'd gyrate. Maybe it was spliff but it was nothing short of hilarious to watch a grown man, semi naked, gyrating while singing Indian love songs. He'd also ad lib with the lyrics like 'you come at me, like a stream of something into my heart' and 'my heart is like a football pitch, wide and open'...he once said this to a woman who was trying to get into the internter cafe (I'm really surprised he actually got any buisness as all women were harrassed before they walked in) who responded by saying 'my heart is closed like a football'...underterred Ali replied with 'then you can play football in my field anytime'. At this point Dan and I were literally on the floor howling with laughter.

All manner of chat-up lines were tried and tested on various women. One which sticks firmly in my mind was when he spotted two women (about the same age and clearly friends) walking towards the internet cafe. He stopped one and asked if she was the mother. I couldn't contain my laughter any longer. I yelped, the woman scowled at me and told him she wasn't!! 'But you look so alike' was his reply. By this time I was doubled up with laughter. Dan nearly exploded and so each evening continued with us watching in complete amusement as Ali offended each and every woman he came into contact with.

The thing is he wasn't being mean at all and I doubt he has any idea just how amusing he actually is. He's in fact a really sweet guy, just split up with his wife, lonely, stressed about the buisness so drinks because of it. Pretty standard but a massive shame nevertheless however it does only take three drinks for him to be totally hammered so I suppose it's not exactly an expensive habbit - I'm trying to be positvie here!

Ali then appointed me as his 'girlfriend agent'. 'You are a western' he told me 'go and find me a girlfriend, email all your friends to ask them if they want an indian lover like me'. I told him all my friends were married or have a boyf but that did't deter him. He told me to send the email anyway in case they were bored with their husbands....

I asked him what his criteria was. Age, hair and body type, profession etc you know, the usual stuff. I was given a brief in the losest sense: female (that's a start), western (cos we're all sluts and sleep with random men during our lunch breaks - more on this in a sep post!), aged between 25-45.

Obviously I had some questions about his brief: did her prefer them alive or dead (he didn't get this joke!)? are divorcees okay? women with childre from a previous relationship? All were fine - I managed to establish that live woman were his preference (thank god for that!). And so each evening he'd ask for an update on my progress. Naturally I had none. I'd already mentioned it to some of the girls I'd met in Varkala but oddly enough none of them were interested.

And so the search continues...so if you know of anyone or you're fed up with your current man and fancy a walk on the 'wild' side then do let me know!!! Ali is more than up for it!

Welcome to NEVER, EVER land

Ladies and gents prepare yourselves for this one. If you're reading this at work, you will have to ice skate home as hell has officially frozen over.

I'm no longer a cynic and I'm actually open minded.

It's finally happened. The world may actually stop spinning on its axis. I've changed. It's a fucking miracle. Traveling has actually cured me of my cynicism and has made me open minded. And it's not something that I've purposely 'worked' on.

To be honest I was blissfully happy quite content skipping along the rocky road that is life, casting dispersions on anyone and everyone, giving sermons whenever I felt like it - usually inspired after a few bottles of wine and anything else I could lay my hands on. Some said I ranted and although it pains me to say it, I think they were right. (Er, please also note the 'I may have been wrong' ref which I think you'll find is a first from me!).

My preaching was out of control. Admittedly I was usually under the influence but to be honest that was pretty much most of the time so....I had an opinion on everything. How wrong he was/she was/the situ was and of course there was the list. The list of things I would never, ever do which were not only specific but also endless.

To be fair I was utterly convinced I was right in every instance. And at the time I was(obviously!). But now I've gone and changed I naturally have the right to retract any former beliefs and opinions without any repercussions from friends and family (some things don't change!).

You see it's like someone is playing a joke on me - every single thing I vowed I would NEVER, EVER do I am actually systematically doing. I am actually being forced to be open minded and lose all cynicism because I have no other choice. It's the only way I can get my head round the fact I'm doing some things I said I've never do. I'm meeting people I would never, EVER have thought I'd have anything in common with. Seriously, every single opinion I've ever had and hold has been challenged.

Clearly this is something to be celebrated. Being opened minded and not cynical were words that rarely really featured in my vocab (perhaps one Christmas and a friends birthday a few years ago). Occasionally I would make the half hearted attempt and the odd New Years resolution to try and see things from someone else's point of view. But to be honest as much as I tried I always came back to the same conclusion. They (or it) were wrong. It was bullshit.

It first started about a month ago. To begin with I started to notice the little things then a wave of 'oh my god what are you doing, you'd never normally do this' came at me like a tsunami out of now were. I was unprepared to say the least.

You see if someone had told me this time last year that I'd be wearing a toe ring ad ankle chain (used to think both made you look common), had a henna tattoo (used to think it was only 'try hards' who did this), gone on a date with an Indian guy (NO WAY, don't fancy Indian men), slept in a room with no adjoining bathroom but having to share a piss stinking one with randoms instead (not a chance in hell), preferred a squat loo to a western one (shut up), flicked a cockroach off my bed without even blinking (never), meditated with a Buddhist monk (impossible), forged genuine friendships with locals (doubtful, nothing in common), not screamed when a rat ran over my foot in a restaurant I was eating in (not a hope in hell), gone trekking, bit my tongue when someone was seriously pissing me off well, I would've roared with laughter and told you to fuck off!

So you can understand how shocked I was when I first noticed 'the change'. It was like an out of body experience. One minute I'm thinking exactly the same way I always have, i.e. toe rings are for tossers....the next thing I know I'm buying a toe ring! So you can see how this has meant I've actually had to change. I've had no choice. Plus I hate the word hypocrite.

The thing is not only have I waved good bye to cynicism and being closed off but the blue print of my life as I thought it may pan out is rapidly changing too. Everything, and I mean everything, I thought I wanted in my life and for the future has changed. Where I want to live (not the UK at least not full time), my job (not PR, want to carve a career in writing), the type of man or rather his qualities I'm attracted to..basically how I want to live my life has completely altered.

Look at it this way - you're talking about someone who would make lists out of lists, I'd meticulously plan my year ahead, was a boarding hypochondriac (lengthly conversations with various friends convinced I was about to have a heart attack...hello, paranoia!), drank excessively, had a questionable approach to anything 'bad' for me which included men with 'issues' and drugs, had a rather unheathly list of 'fair weathered friends' or rather drainers as I like to call them - you know, the one's you only hear from when they have a problem, they talk about themselves incessantly and basically when you have a problem they are no where to be seen...shite, I've had a few of those in my time. Again, the list in endless but I'm happy to report that all of the aforementioned no longer feature in my life.

Drainer friends have been dropped, I take each day as it comes, I barely drink, the guy I'm seeing is utterly lovely (and Indian), I'm the proud owner of an ankle chain, toe ring and currently considering yet another henna tattoo (subtle of course!) and I'm pitching my blog and a few feature articles to newspapers and mags. To say my and my life is changing or rather has changed would be an understatement. And what's even more shocking is I love every single change. Historically any changes were met with a healthy bout of 'fear' and general self esteem bashing. Not no more people.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. It's a sheer miracle.

Now get your ice skates on and watch out for the uneven ice!!

Move that monk! The virtues of being a 'Boooddhist'

The DL wasn't due to give a teaching at his residence in McLeod, so when it was announced at the last minute that he was (bit of a fav to the Mongolians as they were holding a festival in his honor), you can imagine my excitement as I sprinted (okay, fast walk) down to his office to ensure i was first on the registration list -they do a security check on you before confirming whether you can actually attend.

The teaching itself was pretty intense and incredibly inspiring. This is a man I've admired for years so for me it was a massive deal and meant I could tick off a zillion boxes on my 'things to do' list (which I hasten to add is getting longer and longer.)

The teaching was in the grounds of the temple in McLeod. I was was seriously close to his Holiness. So close that I had to stop myself from throwing myself in front of DL's feet as he walked past me - I was sitting in the carefully marked out 'English foreigners' section where oddly enough I was surrounded by several monks.

Couple of things I noticed during the 10 hour teaching over the course of two days(sitting on a cold concrete floor with my legs crossed):

1.) I have a tendency to misbehave when I'm feeling too virtuous
2.) After a few hours of sitting cross legged the pain actually does go away
3.) Some western 'pilgrims' are total idiots
4.) Some people have no self awareness whatsoever and think calling themselves a 'boooodhist' exempts them from all manner of pretty outrageous comments/behaviour

So after a two hours of sitting with my legs crossed it's not surprising I began to get a little twitchy at certain points. That said it wasn't really sitting crossed legged that made my eyes bulge out of their sockets. It was more the fact that what his Holiness was saying that was making me nervous. You see according to DL (and indeed Buddhism) we must be detached from all material goods and people. You don't own anything or anyone, it's momentary. Okay!

The thing is I can actually do detachment very well. I can totally detach myself from work, money (I often ignore calls from the bank - that's complete detachment in my book!), arsehole clients (detach or kill in my book), annoying colleagues, and fair weathered 'friends' and not forgetting the glorious list of ex boyfs. Detachment, for me, isn't a problem....or so I thought.

I must admit I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself as I listed quietly all the things I was detached from as his Holiness spoke about the benefits. There I was smiling to myself contently when Tenzin (new monk friend - tick another box, thanks!) lent over to me and whispered that he also meant detachment from handbags, shoes and clothes. I turned at him and gave him death stare eyes. I mean, had he gone mad? Had the holy water in the temple been spiked with vodka? Then it suddenly dawned on my that he actually meant ALL material goods. No, no, no, no, no...not my gorgeous white Fendi handbag (maxi size and I mean stunning), my Mui Mui, Jimmy Choo and Manolo Blahnik shoes, not my Smysthson diary, my Chole Kafatan....NOT my babies. Er, I don't think so DL. I can't possibly detach myself from such beauties in the name of enlightenment.

After the shock of realising I wasn't at detached as I thought, I decided to see if there were any other faux Buddhists in the area. Thankfully there was and there 'crimes' were much, much worse than mine (no surprise there then!).

When you attend a teaching you 'secure' your spot by writing your name on a piece of paper and sticking it to the place you want to sit. It's all very polite and no one moves your place. So imagine the sheer horror when two hours into the teaching a guy comes along and asks a monk to move out of his spot. The monk naturally obliged, although the request did cause a few murmurs and dark looks. So after shoving the monk off his place the guy sits down and puts his hands into pray position. It was much as I could do to stop myself from leaning over and poking him in the back. I seriously thought about it but then figured that it was unlikely I would let him have the last word and it wasn't the time or place to embark on a slanging match. I mean, it's not very booodhist is it?!

Second faux Buddhist spotting was when I walked outside during the break while chatting to this woman who was banging on about the fact she was a practising Boooodhist and how at one she is with herself, mankind and nature. I have to admit I'm pretty good at zoning out when people bore me. In fact I have it down to perfection. 12 years in PR means you have to develop certain skills. One which I've found extremely useful is the ability to appear interested in a conversation when actually given the choice, you'd rather stab your hand than listen to the droll. I was just about to nod off into 'anywhere is better than listening to this crap' zone when she suddenly yelled 'get the f*ck off me!'. Shite, she made me jump. Once I'd accepted the fact that her outburst didn't relate to me (I could've quite easily gone to strangle her as I drifted into my coping with arseholes zone) she started banging on about the beggars outside the temple. How disgusting they were, they stank, hair was messy and really skinny, like urchins. Nice. Great. Very COMPASSIONATE coming from a Booodhist. I couldn't bear any more and I managed to shake her at the vegetable momo (Tibetan veg dumplings) stand!

The final straw for me and by far the funniest was at the end of the teaching. I was outside the temple waiting for a friend when I started eaves dropping on the two yanks standing next to me. One turned to the other and said: 'I'm leaving tomorrow so I'm not sure when I'm gonna see you again....so let me appreciate you. I just wanna appreciate you.' and with that he stared hugging the guy next to him. Good God sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland. And with that I started laughing, howling with laughter. Inwardly of course...blatant mocking wouldn't have been very 'Booodhist' of me!