Welcome to NEVER, EVER land

Ladies and gents prepare yourselves for this one. If you're reading this at work, you will have to ice skate home as hell has officially frozen over.

I'm no longer a cynic and I'm actually open minded.

It's finally happened. The world may actually stop spinning on its axis. I've changed. It's a fucking miracle. Traveling has actually cured me of my cynicism and has made me open minded. And it's not something that I've purposely 'worked' on.

To be honest I was blissfully happy quite content skipping along the rocky road that is life, casting dispersions on anyone and everyone, giving sermons whenever I felt like it - usually inspired after a few bottles of wine and anything else I could lay my hands on. Some said I ranted and although it pains me to say it, I think they were right. (Er, please also note the 'I may have been wrong' ref which I think you'll find is a first from me!).

My preaching was out of control. Admittedly I was usually under the influence but to be honest that was pretty much most of the time so....I had an opinion on everything. How wrong he was/she was/the situ was and of course there was the list. The list of things I would never, ever do which were not only specific but also endless.

To be fair I was utterly convinced I was right in every instance. And at the time I was(obviously!). But now I've gone and changed I naturally have the right to retract any former beliefs and opinions without any repercussions from friends and family (some things don't change!).

You see it's like someone is playing a joke on me - every single thing I vowed I would NEVER, EVER do I am actually systematically doing. I am actually being forced to be open minded and lose all cynicism because I have no other choice. It's the only way I can get my head round the fact I'm doing some things I said I've never do. I'm meeting people I would never, EVER have thought I'd have anything in common with. Seriously, every single opinion I've ever had and hold has been challenged.

Clearly this is something to be celebrated. Being opened minded and not cynical were words that rarely really featured in my vocab (perhaps one Christmas and a friends birthday a few years ago). Occasionally I would make the half hearted attempt and the odd New Years resolution to try and see things from someone else's point of view. But to be honest as much as I tried I always came back to the same conclusion. They (or it) were wrong. It was bullshit.

It first started about a month ago. To begin with I started to notice the little things then a wave of 'oh my god what are you doing, you'd never normally do this' came at me like a tsunami out of now were. I was unprepared to say the least.

You see if someone had told me this time last year that I'd be wearing a toe ring ad ankle chain (used to think both made you look common), had a henna tattoo (used to think it was only 'try hards' who did this), gone on a date with an Indian guy (NO WAY, don't fancy Indian men), slept in a room with no adjoining bathroom but having to share a piss stinking one with randoms instead (not a chance in hell), preferred a squat loo to a western one (shut up), flicked a cockroach off my bed without even blinking (never), meditated with a Buddhist monk (impossible), forged genuine friendships with locals (doubtful, nothing in common), not screamed when a rat ran over my foot in a restaurant I was eating in (not a hope in hell), gone trekking, bit my tongue when someone was seriously pissing me off well, I would've roared with laughter and told you to fuck off!

So you can understand how shocked I was when I first noticed 'the change'. It was like an out of body experience. One minute I'm thinking exactly the same way I always have, i.e. toe rings are for tossers....the next thing I know I'm buying a toe ring! So you can see how this has meant I've actually had to change. I've had no choice. Plus I hate the word hypocrite.

The thing is not only have I waved good bye to cynicism and being closed off but the blue print of my life as I thought it may pan out is rapidly changing too. Everything, and I mean everything, I thought I wanted in my life and for the future has changed. Where I want to live (not the UK at least not full time), my job (not PR, want to carve a career in writing), the type of man or rather his qualities I'm attracted to..basically how I want to live my life has completely altered.

Look at it this way - you're talking about someone who would make lists out of lists, I'd meticulously plan my year ahead, was a boarding hypochondriac (lengthly conversations with various friends convinced I was about to have a heart attack...hello, paranoia!), drank excessively, had a questionable approach to anything 'bad' for me which included men with 'issues' and drugs, had a rather unheathly list of 'fair weathered friends' or rather drainers as I like to call them - you know, the one's you only hear from when they have a problem, they talk about themselves incessantly and basically when you have a problem they are no where to be seen...shite, I've had a few of those in my time. Again, the list in endless but I'm happy to report that all of the aforementioned no longer feature in my life.

Drainer friends have been dropped, I take each day as it comes, I barely drink, the guy I'm seeing is utterly lovely (and Indian), I'm the proud owner of an ankle chain, toe ring and currently considering yet another henna tattoo (subtle of course!) and I'm pitching my blog and a few feature articles to newspapers and mags. To say my and my life is changing or rather has changed would be an understatement. And what's even more shocking is I love every single change. Historically any changes were met with a healthy bout of 'fear' and general self esteem bashing. Not no more people.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. It's a sheer miracle.

Now get your ice skates on and watch out for the uneven ice!!